Obsessed with Life

2011=Finito.

2012-01-02T00:52:00.001-06:00

Mandala Fall 2011

It's been a very busy and exciting year...grateful for so many amazing opportunities and the privilege to meet so many inspiring people!

Year in Review...

Various jobs this year:

* Speaking
* Nannying
* Commissioned art

Medically:

* Passed the 7 year mark of No Evidence of Cancer Anniversary on May 19th, 10 years since my stem cell transplant and 13 years since diagnosis!
* Had a clear brain MRI following numbness and twitching in my face along with neck pain...and a clear chest ultrasound (have to watch for other types of cancer because of the major radiation in that area!)
* No other major new complaints...just the usual pain, fatigue and occasional numbness, etc. but status quo.

Scholastically:

* Am officially halfway through my Masters in Counseling and Art Therapy program...woohoo!
* Practicums: Head Start in the spring, a treatment facility for people with eating disorders this summer and spring (fantastic supervision and experience)!

Some of the Speaking, Teaching, Volunteer and Other Opportunities:

* Awarded the Distinguished Alumni Award from my grade school :)
* Spoke twice at my old grade school to the students
* Spoke on Long Island, NY to a couple of high schools and a grade school
* Spoke at a local junior high/high school
* Spoke in Washington, D.C. at the American Art Therapy Association Annual Conference (amazing experience!)
* Spoke in Indianapolis for an event for the Matthew Debono Scholarship Fund
* Spoke in Madrid, Spain during the World Youth Day activities
* Spoke at an American Public Works Association event
* Spoke with Mitch Albom (author of Tuesdays with Morrie, etc.) at a Young Presidents' Organization event (Awesome!)
* Taught an art class to children at the hospital where I was treated
* Various work with the American Pain Foundation as a PCAC member (did not renew my position after my 3-year term was up this fall)

There was a new nephew/Godson in the family and my brother got engaged and officially became a pharmacist (congrats!!). I was fortunate to get a new car (after driving the other one for 11 years!). A couple cousins and a couple friends got married...good times! The company that my husband co-founded, Lockerdome, is doing really well and I'm so proud of him and his hard work!

Trips: Columbia, MO; Long Island, NY; Washington, D. C.; Indianapolis, IN; Paris, Bordeaux, Perigueux, Lourdes, France; Zaragoza, Madrid, El Escorial, Toledo, Santiago de Compostela, Spain; Fatima, Lisbon, Portugal

Thankful for: the love and support of friends, family and God and endless blessings.

Looking forward to all the exciting things that are brewing for 2012...

Upcoming Speaking/Events for 2012:

-January 4th: Chaminade-Madonna College Preparatory-Hollywood, FL
-January 4th: Nativity Catholic Church- Hollywood, FL
-January 27th: Jefferson Elementary School
-January 30th: Holy Spirit Church- 250 8th graders from 12 schools
-February 10th: Leading art therapy workshop at Cancer Support Community

Rachel

13 years ago today...

2011-12-04T13:56:00.001-06:00

After emergency surgery with Carrie

I was told that there was an egg-sized tumor wrapped around T3 and T4 of my spinal cord. It was causing numbness in my legs and chest and shutting my body and breathing down by the hour. I was told I would go through various tests and have emergency surgery to remove as much of it as I could. They hoped that I would regain feeling in my extremities and not be permanently paralyzed or worse-die. My surgeon was kind enough to tell me (in his South African accent) that he was going to "talk to my like an adult" and told my 15 year old self what the outcomes could be. While it was hard to hear, I appreciated his honesty. That night we also met my amazing oncologist, who I cannot thank enough for everything he has done to help save my life.

It's always hard to believe how much time has passed and how much has happened in my life-for good and for bad. That day I accepted the personal motto, "I will just do what I have to in order to get better". I was so naive-who knew what was to come...I also somewhere along that path adopted optimism and hope. I'm not sure where it came from exactly, but I do know that God, amazing doctors, family and friends helped a lot in my journey.

Today, I am thankful for so much it's hard to describe it all...keep taking it one day at a time! Thank you to God, my doctors and medical team, family, friends, etc.

Love,
Rachel

Trees of Hope

2011-11-13T11:47:00.001-06:00

Trees of Hope- donated to Scrabble at the Sheldon to benefit Our Lady of Perpetual Help

"...I got to witness a miracle. How many people can say that to St. Peter when they reach the pearly gates? Huh? You're a complete flatline. Nothing and then..."

"You must think about why..."

"Why what?"

"Why you? Why did you get a second chance. God just doesn't show off-there's got to be a reason. God gave you a second chance. Don't squander this gift you've been given...[The scars] saved your life...they're beautiful."

-Charlie St. Cloud (30 min. mark and 57 min. mark)

I found this quote floating around in some papers when I was cleaning the other day...I am gearing up for my speech with Mitch Albom on Thursday and Thanksgiving/fall break from school. Can't wait!

Today, I am thankful for: family, friends, each day, good and not so fun experiences, miracles and God.

Rachel

West Newsmagazine Article

2011-09-20T23:35:00.000-05:00

Mom and I enjoying dinner in Madrid

Since I did not get a chance to write about my trip, I wanted to share this great cover story that does a nice job explaining about the trip:

West Newsmagazine article (click on the cover page and then go to pg. 44-45)

I jumped into school just hours from returning from Europe and have been going ever since with classes, practicum and lots of activities...

Next up on speaking: Opening for Mitch Albom (author of Tuesdays with Morrie) in November! Can't wait!

Today, I am grateful for life experiences, blessings, learning and challenges, and most of all: family, friends and God.

Love,
Rachel

Hello, August and Traveling!

2011-08-05T17:14:00.004-05:00

As my mother says, 'You give back, you don’t give up.' You can always choose to help others. If you do, it will change you. —Susan Ford

As always, time is flying by, and where did the summer go? This summer has been AMAZING and is definitely not even close to being over.

PRACTICUM: with eating disorders has been fascinating. The community of patients and professionals has been very welcoming and supportive. I'm learning a lot and look forward to continuing there through December.

MEDICAL ART THERAPY CLASS: It was great to learn new things about the type of art therapy I am most aware of and help explain things to other classmates.

AMERICAN ART THERAPY ASSOCIATION: The national annual conference was in Washington, D.C. I was honored to speak at a morning plenary session about my experiences with art therapy as a patient and now as a graduate student. It was wonderful to meet many other art therapists, including a few famous names. There was a lot of great inspiration! I also had a nice time visiting with my aunt, an artist, who lives there.

BROTHER: He graduated with his Doctorate in Pharmacy and has passed all the tests! So proud of him!

BAPTISM & WEDDINGS: Our adorable Godson, Isaac, was baptized. We have had a friend wedding and a cousin wedding, with a couple more to go this year! Definitely fun to celebrate!

FRIENDS: Lots of fun dinners, lunches, etc. and catching up!

INDIANAPOLIS: Tomorrow I am speaking in Indianapolis and look forward to meeting people from the Matthew Debono Scholarship Fund (who helped pay for my summer classes and practicum).

FRANCE, SPAIN and PORTUGAL: I will be going on my pilgrimage soon. I can't wait and hope to share upon return!

More excitement on the horizon and it'll be fun to share as it happens...

Today, I am grateful for: life, opportunities, the generosity of others, health, family, friends and God.

Love,
Rachel

Ha, it's been Awhile!

2011-05-04T21:17:00.002-05:00

Not sure who is reading this much these days but I had a really great experience tonight...I went to the book signing/reading for Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Love and Loss by Matt Logelin. It's the middle of finals week and I'm pretty tired and worn out. I finished one exam (and have another in the morning) and rushed back to St. Louis and got to the reading at the exact time that Matt got up to speak. Matt's wife died suddenly when their daughter, Maddy, was born. I have read his blog for years and it was great to meet him and hear him speak. It put things in perspective...people going through their challenges in life-some much bigger than others. I look forward to reading the book!

Since I last wrote, I have done a lot of reading for school, a lot of projects, papers and presentations...a lot of babysitting...I have also done a fair amount of speeches including a couple in NY. I finished my practicum at Head Start on Monday and will start one with eating disorders this summer. I will be speaking in DC and Indianapolis and travel to Europe this summer...can't wait!

Lots to be grateful for,
Rachel

Speaking 2011

2011-01-25T00:15:00.002-06:00

Upcoming Speaking/Events for 2011:

-Jan. 30: 10:30 am Mass-Our Lady of the Pillar- Distinguished Alumni Award

-Feb. 9: 8 am- Our Lady of the Pillar- upper grades

-Feb. 9: 8:45 am- Our Lady of the Pillar- lower grades

-Feb. 24: 7 pm-Our Lady of the Pillar- Speech in the church and Questions afterwards-Open to Public

-March 10: 8:20 am-Chaminade High School, Long Island, NY

-March 10: 7:30 pm- Kellenberg Memorial High School Auditorium, Long Island, NY

-March 11: Morning presensentation to students of Kellenberg Memorial High School, Long Island, NY

-March 11: Afternoon presentation to students of St. Martin de Porres Marianist School, Long Island, NY
-May 6: Chaminade High School, St. Louis, MO following all-school mass

-July 6-10: American Art Therapy Association-Washington, DC
-August 25: American Public Works Association Luncheon

Today I am grateful for so much!

Love,
Rachel

There Goes 2010...

2010-12-30T21:11:00.007-06:00

Life Mapping #2, Donation to Scrabble Night fundraiser
for Our Lady of Perpetual Food Pantry (my husband was the chair)

Well, there goes another year! Wow!

Happy New Year!
My 2010 in review...

Various jobs this year:

* The usual inspirational speaking
* Babysitting here and there
* Worked at an upscale children's clothing boutique from January-August

Medically:

* Passed the 6 year No Evidence of Cancer Anniversary on May 19th!
* Got my port removed after having it for 8 years!
* No other major new complaints...just the usual pain and fatigue, etc. but it's manageable!

Scholastically:

*Graduated with my BA in Studio Art, Art Therapy and Minor in Psychology (only 8 years in the making...)...learned about printmaking, welding, papermaking, etc.
*Participated in the BA Final Show as part of graduation
*Was accepted and started grad school this fall for Counseling and Art Therapy and have been working with 3-5 year old children from the Head Start program as my first year practicum

Some of the Speaking, Teaching, Volunteer and Other Opportunities:

* Speech at St. John Vianney High School on Blessed Chaminade's Feast Day
* Speech at Vanderbilt-Ingram Cancer Center's 2010 Celebration of Cancer Survivorship
* Documentation and testimonies were taken in St. Louis and sent to the Vatican for the possible canonization of Blessed William Joseph Chaminade in regards to my miraculous cancer recovery
* Designed and helped create a large mural in a tunnel at Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital
* Taught an art class to children at hospital where I was treated
* Modeled in the Friends of Kids with Cancer fashion show as a survivor
* Various work with the American Pain Foundation as a PCAC member

There were 2 new nieces and 1 nephew and 2 new cousins' daughters born this year!

Trips: Columbia, MO; Nashville, TN; Philadelphia, PA; Princeton/Evansville, IN

Thankful for: the love and support of friends, family and God and endless blessings.

Looking forward to 2011...

Love,
Rachel

8 Years

2010-12-03T17:26:00.004-06:00

Monday marked 8 years that it's been since I learned I had weeks to live. I am truly grateful each day. I pinch myself when I think of where I've been and the people and experiences that have happened in my life. I truly feel blessed...

I stumbled upon this video below today and it definitely brought back a lot of memories-especially during the year and a half I lived with that tumor and never knew if it was my last day...I'm thinking of and praying for all the families who are going through these experiences these holidays...

Today, I am so grateful for so much.

Love,
Rachel

Quote

2010-11-05T21:22:00.001-05:00

“Because life is a living, breathing work of art, you are a painting as you go. Be a masterpiece. Drink in life. Laugh too loud. Compliment others constantly.”

—Nicole Johnson

Hola

2010-09-28T21:22:00.003-05:00

Just checking to say that I am feeling grateful each day to be in graduate school for art therapy and counseling...it's been a long road but I'm finally here :).

I also was able to teach a children's art class at the hospital where I was treated to children in the hospital. It was a great group and I even got to see an old friend's family (even though it wasn't for a good reason).

I was asked to donate a couple of art pieces to an art therapy benefit and auction. It was a fabulous event and I was glad to be a part of it!

Another speaking engagement (locally) went well in August and I was just as inspired by the audience I met afterward!

Today, I am grateful for: God, new friends, old friends, family, hope, grad school, amazing people in my life that have helped me and continue to help me...and so much more!

Rachel

Mural

2010-08-12T15:29:00.007-05:00

This summer I have been working on designing and drawing an enormous mural with 2 of my close friends.

The theme: under the sea

The walls: very long (215 feet long to be exact), of a formally scary dark tunnel that connects 2 hospitals (SSM Cardinal Glennon Children's Medical Center and St. Louis University Hospital). Some kids go through the tunnel to do radiation and other procedures at SLU. It is also used by many employees and patients of both hospitals.

There was a group of volunteers that came to help us paint it since it was such a big project but we drew and designed everything on the walls beforehand.

Here are some pictures of our finished work:

Today, I am grateful for: life, happiness, good things, grad school starting soon, God, family and friends!

Rach

Miracle Story

2010-07-17T16:12:00.002-05:00

This week has brought a lot of press concerning my miracle and my prayers to Blessed Chaminade and the Catholic Church.

I am grateful for the kind words from people and hope that this story can help others in some way.

I want to share my favorite story, reported by Maggie Crane from KMOV:

http://www.kmov.com/community/blogs/reporters-blog/Vatican-investigates-miracle-in-St-Louis-98591419.html

Today, I am grateful for so much it is overwhelming!

Rachel

Milestone

2010-06-16T19:52:00.005-05:00

It's been a whirlwind of work, friends and family since we returned from our wonderful trip to Nashville. We felt very blessed to have been invited to such a terrific event. We met lots of amazing people and really enjoyed Nashville.

Tomorrow, I am reaching a milestone-for many cancer survivors, that is. Awhile ago I wrote a post about my port. Well, tomorrow is the big day that we will be parting ways. Even though I still go to the doctor every 3 months, I have decided after 7 years together, we are going to break up. You've been a good sport, Port.

Before the craziness of grad school starts, I figured I would have the time to rest after getting it out and can muster up the strength to get stuck in my arm every 3 months...

Pros of getting it out:
-No more plastic device in my body
-It's a step in healing
-I could (if I wanted to) play high impact sports
-Do not have to worry about it getting infected
-Forced rest

Cons:
-I've had to stop one of my medicines for a few days and it has left me with horrible headaches and soreness...ugh.
-It's surgery with an incision, soreness and possible complications (low chance)
-I will have to get IVs in the arms again
-If I ever need to get a port again, my places to put a new one will be limited (I have had 2 external central lines and I think 3 internal ports over the years).

Today, I am thankful for a wonderful summer, hope, friends, family, and God.

Rach

2010 Celebration of Cancer Survivorship

2010-05-27T11:21:00.003-05:00

Metamorphosis from the 2008
Lilly Oncology On Canvas™ Exhibit

If you are going to be in or around Nashville next weekend (June 6th), join me at Vanderbilt-Ingram Cancer Center's 2010 Celebration of Cancer Survivorship . I will be keynoting the event and my husband will play a part too! There will also be artwork from the amazing Lilly Oncology On Canvas™ Exhibit.

For more information visit: http://www.vicc.org/2010/celebration/

This should be a spectacular event and I have been looking forward to it since last fall when I found out I would be speaking!

Today, I am grateful for a wonderful summer so far, family, friends, God and amazing opportunities to meet and touch others.

Rachel

6 Years! Woohoo!

2010-05-19T14:45:00.005-05:00

Crazy...it doesn't seem like 5 years was that long ago. Today marks 6 years since the cardiovascular thoracic surgeon cut through 3 major back muscles, stretched and cut ribs and moved other vital organs out of the way. All done to remove Spanky, the small Nerf football-sized tumor, that was nestled between my heart, lung, spine and pulmonary artery! And the biopsy days later showed the tumor had died miraculously with little treatment and my organs survived with manageable side effects.

Still hard to believe it all happened...but I am incredibly thankful to God and my medical team. They continue to get me through every day.

Rachel

BA Show

2010-05-02T23:31:00.004-05:00

As part of my graduation, I was in the Bachelor of Arts-Studio Art show. I wanted to share a few images from the show. I cannot believe graduation is so soon!

Ceramic piece: Facing My Back

This piece addresses the scars on my back that are from the extensive tumor removals and resections. The scars represent all of the healing and trauma that has gone on within my body-emotionally, physically, psychologically and spiritually-since being diagnosed for the first of three times.

Painting Title: Inside Grief
Acrylic on Wood

This piece is representative of the feelings that emerge sometimes about having had cancer three times and all that it entails. Usually, I am very positive but this shows the other side.

Sculpture piece: Tumor
Wire, fabric and LED lights

Hanging sculpture piece: To Mix, To Suspend, To Simplify

Clear Thread, Hot Glue and Fabric

Painting Title: Hope
Acrylic on Canvas

Dragonflies are my personal symbol of hope.

Today, I am grateful for coming this far, family, friends, new opportunities and much more!

Rachel

Interesting Read

2010-03-26T16:08:00.003-05:00

As with most of the years, I enjoyed this year's winning essay from Glamour magazine's essay contest: I Chose to Live by Maia Morgan.

Check it out here.

My favorite quote was at the very end. It resonated with me:

But here's the thing: I don't think you move on, really, from the past. You do, but you don't. You carry it with you. You make it as light as you can. As light as feathers.

Today, I am grateful for so much. Life is good!

Rachel

Graduate School

2010-03-03T11:49:00.002-06:00

I had interviews this past weekend for graduate school...one day of group interviews and the next day was a 15 minute interview with the faculty and me. I thought it went well and was fun too.

I just found out I was one of the lucky 10 accepted into the Graduate Art Therapy Counseling Program for this fall!

I couldn't be more excited as this is one of my life's goals-to become an art therapist!

Today, I am grateful for this exciting news, the family, friend, God and experiences that have brought me to this point in my life!

Rachel

James "Rhio" O'Connor Memorial Scholarship Essay Contest

2010-02-13T23:18:00.009-06:00

Essay for the James "Rhio" O'Connor Memorial Scholarship Essay Contest

Rhio O’Connor’s story inspires me from different aspects. First, he inspires me because the only person I knew growing up that had cancer was my paternal grandfather. Not only did he have cancer but he had the same type that O’Connor did- mesothelioma. Mesothelioma (cancer of the mesothelium) is a disease in which cells of the mesothelium become abnormal and divide without control or order. They can invade and damage nearby tissues and organs. Cancer cells can also metastasize (spread) from their original site to other parts of the body. Most cases of mesothelioma begin in the pleura or peritoneum. My grandfather’s case was caused by his lifetime of extensive work as a sheet metal worker around asbestos before they knew the dangerous effects of this substance. He was a fairly healthy man who was crippled by this cancer and died within a year of diagnosis at the age of 67. I was close to my grandfather and was even there when he passed away on Thanksgiving.

To my surprise, several years later at the age of 15, I was diagnosed with a very rare type of cancer- Askin’s Tumor. My cancer was also in my chest but my initial tumor pressed on the top of my spinal cord. After a couple of months and back pain, it eventually led to the beginning of my body shutting down before I had emergency surgery.

Then, chemotherapy began immediately. Being an artist, my bald head became a challenging canvas-if people were going to stare I might as well give them something to see! After a year, I was gladly done. I struggled with feeling older and that continues to be challenging, but I have learned to make it a positive.

In December 2000, cancer was discovered in my bone marrow. It was discouraging but I was not giving up. For the next 5 months, I was in the hospital. Randi, a fellow patient, was fading quickly from a courageous fight with cancer. In her last hours, she looked at me and told me, “Rachel, I will keep fighting in heaven and you must promise me that you will never stop fighting here.” I have never broken my promise.

I missed the second half of my senior year but graduated with my class. Then, for my bone marrow transplant, I had a very intense regimen of chemotherapy in order to kill my entire immune system and brought me close to death. A few days later frozen cells were put into my body to grow a healthy immune system. They discovered I had 2 extremely serious infections but once again surpassed all odds and pulled through. I learned to walk and eat again, enjoying each day and started doing more charity work.

Fall came and I started college for the first time. Once again my body was screaming that something was wrong. We learned a new tumor was growing between my heart, lung, and spine. We had exhausted our medical options and I had weeks to live but I believed there is always hope.

This was when my love for art, poetry and helping others really took off. Doing creative things became my way of leaving myself behind. My goal was to continually have something to look forward to. I despised the thought that if I died, I would become another statistic. Three months passed and I seemed alright and got on with my life!

In the fall, a whole year having passed, I was still alive. My doctors had scoured the globe for options. All the experts believed that I definitely would not be cured ever.

By May 2004, a surgeon came to my hospital and wanted to take the tumor out. Surgery went smoothly and he removed the tumor that was size of a small Nerf football.

The biopsy results showed the tumor had completely died inside me. In medical terms, it is a completely unexplainable. It has been 5.5 years since that surgery and I am the only known case to survive a relapse of Askin’s Tumor following a bone marrow transplant. I find great joy in seeing the positive sides of everything I have been through.

My efforts took me all the way to Denmark to help give global awareness and raise money towards sarcoma cancer. Another positive example out of many is my trip to Washington D.C. where I talked to Congressmen about cancer funding. I am now the only nominated young adult member of the American Pain Foundation’s Pain Community Advisory Council.

I try to balance the advocacy work with other things like college. I have accepted that cancer will never leave me. It is embedded in me-physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It makes me so grateful to be in such an amazing country with so many opportunities.

O’Connor’s story reminded me of the will to never give up on hope and how I felt that when I was facing horrible odds and then eventually a 0% chance of survival. With the help of my doctors, family and friends and God, we never gave up and tried every possible angle we could to try to extend my life expectancy. It was also important to do something each day that was enjoyable-no matter how small-because none of us really knows how long we have on this Earth.
Cancer is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. Because of it, I am driven to become an art therapist and continue helping others through my speaking, writing, art and volunteering. As Albert Einstein once said, “There are 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” I choose the latter. Miracles have allowed me to live and I am forever grateful.

Rachel

There is a God

2010-02-12T10:30:00.004-06:00

I really like this newer song, sung by Lee Ann Womack, There is a God.

The part that always gets me is, "Stop and think about what you don't understand/ Things like life and love and how the world began/ Hear the doctor say he can't explain it, but the cancer is gone/ Chorus: There is a God/ There is a God/ There is a God/ How much proof do you need?"

Lyrics:

Try and put your arms around
a 100 year old tree
Climb up on a horse
and let it run full speed
Take a look down at the world from 30,000 feet
on your next flight

Watch a flock of birds
against the morning sun
Close your eyes and listen
to the river run
Catch a firefly in your hand
or a raindrop on your tongue
That's right

Chorus:
There is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?

Plant a seed and see
what comes out of the ground
Find the heartbeat on your baby's ultrasound
In a few years hear it laughing,
and don't it sound like a song?

Stop and think about
what you don't understand
Things like life and love
and how the world began
Hear the doctor say he can't explain it,
but the cancer is gone

Chorus:
There is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?

Bridge:
Science says it's all just circumstance
Like this whole worlds just an accident
But if you want to shoot that theory down,
Look around

Just look around

There is a God
There is a God
There is a God,
How much proof do you need?

Oh there is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?

Today, I am grateful for God, friends, family, no sign of cancer and much more!

Rach

Update and Articles...

2010-02-07T09:24:00.002-06:00

I've been doing some PR interviews lately and have enjoyed the experience.

One article is about the cost of cancer on MarketWatch.com: Poor prognosis on payments: You can survive cancer and still be laid low -- by the bills (my quote on pg. 2) and mention of the amazing organization the SAMFund!

The other article, about cancer and pain, appears on the front page of Pain Solutions Magazine's website: A Breakthrough in Understanding Cancer Pain: THE AMERICAN PAIN FOUNDATION’S NEW SURVEY REVEALS THE VAST PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, AND FINANCIAL TOLL OF BREAKTHROUGH CANCER PAIN

Finally, I received my letter from grad school. I am one of 30 candidates for the Art Therapy Counseling Program!! I have interviews in a couple weeks and then they will pick 10 of us as the final class. I am very excited about the process.

Today, I am grateful for peacefulness amongst the hectic, joy amongst pain, supportive family, amazing friends and God and things always working out some way or another!

Rachel

A good friend...

2010-01-20T11:05:00.003-06:00

“A good friend is a connection to life―a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”

―Lois Wyse

Thankful for all my friends-of all ages, from various parts of the world, of various relationships I have with them...everything :).

Rachel

Grad School

2010-01-15T12:24:00.003-06:00

I just got back from mailing my grad school application for an Art Therapy Counseling Program. I am so excited to be (hopefully) getting so close to starting on a life dream that I've had since high school: becoming an art therapist. Art therapy was something that was very pivotal and motivational for me throughout my bouts with cancer. It is something I still use to provide some relief from the chronic pain that my treatments have left me with.

It is something that I did in an apprenticeship setting this past summer and reaffirmed that this is something I want to do-for others. When I am helping others, I feel empowered and it, too, helps my pain levels and I do not think about them as much.

I am really hoping that I will be accepted into the competitive program.

Today, I am thankful for so much and the people around me who support me through everything.

Love,
Rachel

Great Young Adult Cancer Article

2010-01-07T18:33:00.000-06:00

Click here for the article

Today, I am grateful for a new baby niece, family, friends, God and a little more holiday break to enjoy!

Rach

Happy New Year!

2010-01-02T23:00:00.000-06:00

My 2009 in review...

Various jobs this year:

The usual inspirational speaking
Working at a cute maternity clothing boutique that unfortunately closed
Giving out Bolthouse Farms samples of smoothies and salad dressings at various grocery stores
Babysitting here and there
Since February, enjoying my job at an upscale children's clothing boutique

Medically:

Passed the 5 year No Evidence of Cancer Anniversary on May 19th!
Went through extensive testing on my arms and back (nerve conduction, etc.) as there has been pain and various numbness since November of 2009...all the tests came back normal-The symptoms are probably from radiation and scar tissue-and it's just something additional to learn to live with.
Chest pains this summer that came and went after a few weeks and testing that showed nothing...
Officially diagnosed with "chemo brain"

Classes Passed (1 semester until graduation from undergrad!):

Asian Art
Painting I
Figure Drawing
Art Therapy: History and Theory
History, Philosophy and Systems of Psychology
Phenomena: Shame, Guilt and Forgiveness
Art Therapy Apprenticeship-working on a medical psychiatric unit & a kids camp
Introduction to Measurement and Statistics (Psychology based)
Introduction to Research Methods
Ceramics I
Painting II
Intermediate Drawing
Art for Elementary Grades
Art Therapy Introduction
Personality Theory

Speaking, Teaching, and Volunteer Opportunities:

Belleville Catholic Conference for High Schoolers
Pike Press Scholars Banquet
Aaron Hubbell Memorial Golf Tournament
American Society of Interior Designers & Bone Marrow Drive Event
American Cancer Society's Relay for Life
Encounter
St. Mary's Hospital Celebration for Life Luncheon
Cameron Siemers for Hope- Santa Ana, CA
Taught an art class to children at hospital I was treated at
Various work with the American Pain Foundation as a PCAC member
Accepted position recently on a board of young professionals that assist local cancer charities

My husband and I were in 5 wonderful weddings and Godparents in our nephew's baptism.

Rest in Peace: Gabe's Grandpa, Gabe's cousin David, my Grandma, our friends- Jenny and Don

Trips: Minneapolis, MN; bed and breakfast for our 1 year wedding anniversary!; Santa Ana, California; Des Moines, IA

Thankful for: the return to health of various friends and family, the love and support of friends, family and God and endless blessings.

Much was learned, many tears were cried but there was so much fun and love to go around too!

Looking forward to everything on the horizon for 2010...

Love,
Rachel

Where hope grows...

2009-12-25T04:19:00.001-06:00

“Where hope grows, miracles blossom.” —Elna Rae

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Rachel

Neat Article

2009-12-21T11:16:00.002-06:00

Neat article about a fellow Ewing's Sarcoma survivor, Destiny Aull:

Click here for article

Happy Holidays...so much to be grateful for!

Love,
Rachel

Year-End Thank Yous

2009-12-17T18:19:00.003-06:00

Of course, as always, thank you to my friends and family for everything!

But, I also want to thank people, organizations, etc. that have helped me and my husband out tremendously whether it was scholarships for school, awards, or helping to pay for some my super expensive insurance bills!!

Santo Foundation 2009 Special Recognition Award for Outstanding Community Service
Wipe Out Kids Cancer Scholarship
Rebecca H. Truelsch Memorial Scholarship
The Kyle Lee Foundation Scholarship
National Collegiate Cancer Foundation Scholarship
University Scholarship
University's Dean's Award for Service
SAMFund Grant

We are very grateful to all of these wonderful and amazing organizations and institutions!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Rachel

Hello to Anyone Still Reading...

2009-12-17T18:04:00.003-06:00

Sorry for missing for so long!

This fall brought the death of 2 dear friends and a brain tumor for my father-in-law. Thankfully, my father-in-law is doing amazingly, miraculously well after a complicated surgery! For this, we are grateful because before surgery his symptoms were getting pretty severe.

I finished up the school semester on Tuesday night so yay for that!

I am working on things for Art Therapy graduate school like taking the MAT (still waiting on results), getting art together for a portfolio, recommendation letters, etc.

I am now on Twitter (not always consistent but I'm trying): twitter.com/obsessdwithlife

Happy Holidays to everyone!!

I am grateful for health, family, friends and God.

Rachel

Quote for Jenny

2009-11-10T22:53:00.006-06:00

Because life is a living, breathing work of art, you are a painting as you go. Be a masterpiece. Drink in life. Laugh too loud. Compliment others constantly.
—Nicole Johnson author, performer, motivational speaker

In honor of my friend Jenny who passed away last week from a cancer very similar to mine...this quote reminds me of her. She was truly amazing and lived life SO fully. There is much to be learned from her. She did so much in her 23 years... Love you, my friend.

Today, I am grateful for Jenny's friendship, my friends, family and God.

Rach

Hi!!

2009-10-22T14:54:00.004-05:00

Just a quick hello as I'm enjoying fall "break" which hasn't been a complete break but rather catching up on other stuff...but that's ok!

I wanted to share some great quotes that related to my life. I got them from the supplement to CURE magazine's Fall 2009 Issue about Surviving Well: When Treatment Ends, Surviving Begins.

"Being told you are cancer-free is not the same as being free of your disease" -Julia Rowland, PhD, Director, Office of Cancer Survivorship, NCI

"Permanent survival is roughly equated with 'cure,' but the person who has come through a cancer experience is indelibly affected by it." - "From Cancer Patient to Cancer Survivor: Lost in Transition," Institute of Medicine

"Whether good or bad, life changing situations often give people the chance to grow, learn, and appreciate what's important to them. Many people with cancer describe their experiences as a journey. It's not necessarily a journey they would have chosen for themselves. But it sometimes presents the opportunity to look at things in a different way." -"Facing Forward: Life after Cancer Treatment" booklet, NCI

"As cancer evolves into a chronic illness, the challenge will be in living life to the fullest extent possible, given long-term and late effects of treatment. These include not only physical effects, but emotional and socioeconomic effects as well." -Debra Thaler-Demers, RN, OCN, Survivor

Today, I am grateful for family, friends, God, a wonderful weekend full of fun ahead to finish up fall break!

Rach

Grandma's Eulogy from her Children's Perspective

2009-09-29T22:39:00.003-05:00

This is the eulogy given by my Uncle Mark and written by my mother's brothers...

I'm Mark, the oldest son and speaking for my brothers and sisters, I would like to tell you about the amazing mother we had.

We first would like to thank all of you for taking time from your busy schedules to be here and to help us celebrate our mother's life. Also, thank you Father for having our Mother's funeral at Holy Cross. Our family has a lot of history here. As father said, our family helped to build this church.

Our mother's father, Edward actually came over from Germany to go to the seminary. After he left the seminary, he got married and eventually settled here. He had eight children and Mom was the youngest and by quite a margin. It must have been a very devout family since two of Mom's sisters became nuns. Our Mom was born, baptized, went to school and was married here.
She lived here for 50 years and raised all of her children here. All of her children went to Holy Cross and grew up in the same house that she did.-a little house with one sink-can you believe it? This strong religious foundation would help her later in life as a wife and mother.

Now I now would like to share some thoughts about our Mom starting first with some comments from my brother Vince, whom Mom liked to call her baby:

"My mom was a great role model and I learned a lot from her and the people she influenced. As far back as I can remember, our dad was sick, in and out of the VA hospital, and couldn't keep a full time job. Because of my dad's condition, mom had to wear many hats in our family. She did it all. She was like a single mom but in addition to taking care of five kids, she had to take care of my dad too. "

"As I became an adolescent my mom went back to work full time. I learned I could get away with a lot of things because I didn't have much "adult supervision". By that time, I was looking up to my older brothers who weren't exactly angels either. I learned a lot from them, some good and some not so good."

(In looking back, I wish I had been mature enough to help mom more.)

"Somehow I managed to stay out of too much trouble. Shortly after I turned seventeen, my dad passed away suddenly and it was just my mom and me at home. She tried to control my behavior, but at five foot two, she couldn't stop me. I had no fear and learned I could get away with even more."

"My mom rarely told me what to do. However she always questioned me-is your homework done, why do you stay out so late, etc? In her own way, she was teaching me about life, I learned a lot of lessons the hard way and later realized she was just trying to help me."

"I also had four older siblings that were examples for me to follow but Mom was a role model for them and, in turn, they became role models for me."

"My mom lived a good life. She had faith in God and was a great example for all of us. She rarely complained about anything throughout her life, even near the end."

Now I would like to share some thoughts from my brother Jim:

"Mom was the hardest worker I ever knew. She was a great cook, house cleaner, banker, scheduler, car pool driver, bill payer, disciplinarian (at least for two of us), clothes washer, tutor, volunteer and friend. Our clothes were always clean and pressed. If we tore a hole in our pants she sewed them up and they were ready to go the next day. Our house was always spotless and everything had a place. She didn't have to tell us very often to "put something away". We just accepted it as the right way to live."

"She put her family first. She somehow managed to sacrifice and save enough money to send 5 kids to Catholic grade schools and high schools. Extra money was spent on her kids, not herself. I am sure there were times she would have liked a new dress but that rarely happened."

"She always stressed the importance of working hard in school and getting a good education. Neither Mom or Dad finished high school. She had to drop out and go to work when her father lost his job during the Depression."

"Mom was proud all of her kids graduated from college. Though she never said it, I think it was one of her goals."

(In looking back, she always encouraged us to have jobs-cutting grass, delivering newspapers, etc. and would say "Save your money so you can go to college.)

"She rarely complained and didn't need much to be happy. God, family and friends were important, everything else was secondary. She was never jealous of people who had more than she. Big houses, fancy cars and expensive clothes didn't impress her. Integrity and respect for others had more meaning and opened the door to more long and lasting friendships. Mom made lots of friends at her apartment and nursing home. People loved her because she always treated them with respect and never complained about her life and the hand she was dealt. God had a plan for her and she was OK with it, no need to burden anyone else."

"Now that she is in heaven I am sure I will be calling on her again to help me get through the bumps in the road ahead. I know she will be there for me and the entire family. Her greatest legacy is the great family she leaves behind. She showed us how to be good parents and what is truly important in life."

We love you Mom!

Thank you for being such a great mother!

Today, I am grateful for a wonderful weekend in California with my mom, friends, family and God.

Rach

National Pain Awareness Day

2009-09-26T01:25:00.002-05:00

In honor of National Pain Awareness Day, I thought I'd share one of their publications with you (you can also find my story on the front page)

Pain Community News

I am in Santa Ana, California speaking tonight at this event with the Cameron Siemers Foundation for Hope...I'm really looking forward to it!

Today, I am thankful for so much and an amazing week-celebrating my grandma's life, having a triple date with inspiring people and sharing time with friend and family.

Love,
Rachel

Grandma's Eulogy

2009-09-24T12:56:00.002-05:00

This is the eulogy I gave at my grandma's funeral on the behalf of my cousins and I.

Grandma's Eulogy
by Rachel and Gabe

I’ve been asked to speak on behalf of the 11 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. My name is Rachel; I'm one of the lucky 11.

Before sitting down to write, I asked each grandchild to share one's thoughts and memories on what made Grandma so amazing. I tried to simplify these memories into a lasting legacy of three things: family, faith, and cleanliness.

I'd like to first touch on her devotion to her family, particularly to her grandchildren.

Initially, I was surprised that as the dozens of memories poured in, very few of them overlapped. As I thought about why, though, it makes sense; Grandma always had a way to make each of us feel special. This was her gift.

For example, Mares fondly remembered such activities as Easter egg hunts and swimming. Mark immediately recalled thoughts of board games and cards, including Grandma's mischievous knack for winning while pretending to be completely unaware that she was ever holding a decent hand. Matt and I remembered the sleepovers and waking up to the smell of eggs and toaster waffles in the morning.

Realistically, it was simply that she wanted nothing but the best for her family. In fact, as Christine, Kyle, and Jack noted, "She was always concerned with us doing what made us happy."

Whatever the memories, it's hard to argue that our passions became her passions.

Second, I'd like to confirm her unwavering 'faith'.

In spite of a tough life, Grandma was a rock. Seldom overly vocal, it was her sound actions, backed by a strong faith life, that spoke for her. Maggie commented, "The past couple days as I have been thinking about her a lot, I have been trying to "be like Grandma" and quit my complaining."

This isn't to say that Grandma didn't vocalize her thoughts when deemed necessary. In fact, Jack remembers Grandma consistently reminding him to sing at church because it counted as praying twice!

A quote I love sums up Grandma's faith well. It states, "The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the woman that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but she whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves her conduct, will pursue her principles unto death."

Lastly, I'd like to touch on her love of cleanliness.

If you know our Grandma, I'm sure you understand why 'cleanliness' is getting the same attention as 'family' and 'faith' in her eulogy. I don't know if it was living through the Great Depression--where she learned the importance of taking care of things--or if it was simply her God-given personality, but whatever it was, Grandma was obsessed with cleanliness. In fact, she was one of the tidiest people I've ever met, even through her final days; a sentiment echoed by many of the grandchildren. Says Maggie, "The few times that my house is super clean and well organized, I think of Grandma and think maybe it would be up to her standards--if only for an hour or so."

Grandma-it's safe to say that you will never be forgotten. Your love for family brought us together today, your passion for faith is the shining example that will keep us moving forward, and your love of cleanliness, well, it taught us to care.

Thank you for everything. We love you.

Grandma

2009-09-22T00:20:00.004-05:00

Rest in Peace, Grandma. You were loved by many and I don't know anyone who didn't love you. Honestly, if there was ever a person who I never heard complain or say anything bad about others, it was you. And you had many things in your life to complain about like losing your husband when you were 53 and before that, dealing with a sick husband and raising 5 kids. You are my hero. Strong in your faith and spirit and quiet in your ways.

I am grateful for your life and the blessings it bestowed on so many.

Love,
Rachel

Time for a Quote...

2009-09-15T22:57:00.010-05:00

Hi. Honestly haven't felt like blogging in awhile...if you haven't noticed :). I've been enjoying life though!

And my husband was mentioned on this list of 35 Unique Entrepeneurs That are Changing the Business World-The Rise Underground!!

So proud of him...he truly deserves it after all the hard work he does!

And now for the quote..

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” -Mark Victor Hansen

Today, I am thankful for friends, family, God, experiences and life.

Love, Rachel

Team Sarcoma

2009-07-20T11:22:00.002-05:00

It's International Sarcoma Week!

In 2006, I was able to participate in Denmark during this week to raise money and awareness for sarcoma. Askin's Tumor, the cancer I had, is a type of sarcoma.

Check out the Liddy Shriver Sarcoma Initiative website for the details for this year's event and how you might be able to get involved!!

http://www.team-sarcoma.net/

May they be blessed on their bike riding and journey this week!

Today, I am grateful for friends, family and God!

Rach

Strange Sights

2009-07-15T15:10:00.006-05:00

I apologize that I have been sucked up into non-stop schoolwork, work and my internship amongst other time-consuming things and some minor health stuff (but all turned out ok or so we think :)).

Anyways, wanted to a couple of funny pics from my life from the past few weeks:

A man walking "the world" down the street with his dog?

The speedometer of my car registering at "0 mph" on the highway and saying there is no gas left while my husband is driving...it broke down soon after this (for the 5th time) and yeah, I needed a new alternator. It's good as new!

Today, I am thankful for a day off to finish up schoolwork and catch up on sleep, for friends, family and God!

Rach

Fight Like a Girl

2009-07-08T10:21:00.000-05:00

Fight Like a Girl by Bomshel

Little girl alone on the playground
Tired of gettin' teased and gettin' pushed around
Wishin' she was invisible
To them

She ran home cryin'
"Why do they hate me?"
And Mama wiped the tears and said
"Baby, you're brave and you're beautiful.
So, hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl."

At 31 she was wheelin' and dealin'
Kept on hittin' that same glass ceilin'
She was never gonna be one of the boys, no
She coulda gave up on her ambition
And spent the rest of her life just wishin'
Instead she listened to her mama's voice sayin'

"Hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl."

Oh, with style and grace
Kick ass and take names

Ten years of climbin' that ladder
Oh, but money and power don't matter
When the doctor said "the cancer spread"
She holds on tight to her husband and babies
And says "this is just another test God gave me.
And I know just how to handle this"

I'll hold my head high
I'll never let this define
The light in my eyes
Love myself, give it Hell
I'll take on this world
If I stand and be strong
No, I'll never give up
I will conquer with love
And I'll fight like
Like a girl

Ooh

Inspirational Song!

Today, I am grateful for a wonderful marriage, family, friends and God.

Rach

Happy 1st Anniversary!

2009-07-05T00:01:00.000-05:00

Happy 1st Anniversary Gabe!

It's been an awesome year together. It flew by!

Love,
Rachel

I am grateful for so much!

Great Conference!

2009-06-15T13:23:00.003-05:00

I just returned from an amazing conference with the American Pain Foundation in Minneapolis, MN. It was great to see old friends and meet new people. The people that make up this organization are dedicated and do wonderful things for people that live with pain-pain of all types- from disease, from accidents, etc. Many of them volunteer endless hours to fighting for the over 75 million Americans that suffer from chronic pain! (That does not account for those who experience acute pain every year from injury or illness.)

If you are someone living with pain or know someone who is, I highly recommend visiting painfoundation.org!

Now, time to rest up and recover for another non-stop week!

Today, I am grateful for amazing organizations, wonderful opportunities, friends, family and God!

Rach

Another Great Night

2009-06-06T11:07:00.002-05:00

The beginning of what I have dubbed my 'craziest week of the summer' has officially begun! It consists of lots of working, starting summer school classes, a graduation party, a baptism and a 4-day conference! It kicked off with a full day of camp-the camp I volunteered at all week was for disabled children and it was AMAZING! I definitely got very worn out but was sad to leave the kids as I was really enjoying getting to know them and see how much most of them loved the art projects. I even was able to work with a few 1-on-1 for a bit.

After camp yesterday, I had a meeting and then spoke at the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life (they gave me a scholarship for college this year)! It was a great turnout with lots of amazing survivors! I got teary-eyed as I carried the baton and led the lap around the track for the survivors-all proudly sporting the purple 'Survivor' t-shirts. On the second lap around, all the supporters, caregivers, etc. joined the survivors including my husband, parents and some of the in-laws (thanks so much for coming!). I also got to see some old friends from an amazing camp for kids with cancer that I have been pretty involved with over the years. They even had free massages for the survivors, which was much needed after the week at camp!

Now, off to find extra energy for this week!

Today, I am grateful for all the amazing opportunities and people that I meet, support of friends and family, hope and God!

Rach

Getting Back in the Groove

2009-06-02T21:37:00.005-05:00

It's been a slow journey back into a regular workout schedule...I was roughly doing 2 days a week with a friend at school but since spring classes are over, that's not practical.

As I already knew, working out makes me feel better after I get the motivation to get up and do it. It also helps my pain levels. This week is rough because I am working at a kids' camp for most of the day (as a separate part of my internship) and am so exhausted when I get home. Hopefully I can make it one or 2 days!

So, I joined the gym that I used to belong to (a different location though)...and figured out what works best for me: group classes (pilates, cardio, etc.); a free yoga class at another place for cancer survivors (the room is awesome-it feels like you are in the middle of the forest with birds chirping and there is a big garage door that is opened, if the weather allows, that has a screen on it); sometimes walking outside-preferably with someone or music; machine workouts while watching TV and/or listening to music (the gym I just joined has personal TVs w/ cable on every machine!).

What works for you?

Today, I am grateful for a wonderful week at camp, friends, family, God and sleep :).

Rach

People Fascinate Me

2009-05-29T13:12:00.003-05:00

I am doing an art therapy apprenticeship right now (internship) and it is so interesting. Because of HIPAA laws, I can't go into details but our patients' stories are all so unique and interesting! Every person comes with their own histories and reasons for needing therapy in their life. It is amazing to me how much these people and the ones around them have had to go through in life-on top of the medical aspects or in other cases, the complex set of medical reasons piled on top of each other!

It is giving me a new sense of trying to respect what people are going through because we can never really know just by "looking" or talking to someone...just how I now appear healthy and "normal" (whatever that is!) to a stranger...

The apprenticeship is also giving me more admiration for art therapy and what little things can do for healing or making someone's day!

Today, I am grateful for a neat apprenticeship, time for reading for leisure this week, getting certified again in CPR, friends, family and God!

Rachel

Article in the Newspaper...

2009-05-26T07:50:00.000-05:00

Last week, in honor of my 5 year anniversary, I was on the front page of the St. Louis Post Dispatch.

Click here for the article.

Today, I am grateful for a fabulous few weeks off school, lots of great people in my life that I can truly trust, a great internship, friends, family and God!

Love,
Rachel

The day every cancer survivor hopes to see...

2009-05-19T08:18:00.001-05:00

From my journal one month before the surgery in 2004

Is TODAY for me. The day that is especially sacred to people who have had cancer more than once.

Hard to believe, I know, because I cannot believe it, but there has been no significant sign of cancer in my body for 5 YEARS as of today! In other words, I have been in remission for 5 years! It doesn't necessarily mean that the cancer won't come back or that I won't get other cancers, but the chances are less and 5 years is a very long time-way longer than any other period of reprieve that I've had in the past.

5 years ago today I had an extensive surgery that removed a small Nerf football sized Askins Tumor that had grown between my heart, lung, pulmonary artery and spine. The surgical team separated and removed small pieces of rib, sliced and put back together 3 major muscles in my back, moved organs out of the way and successfully took out the cancerous tumor...the tumor that had somehow died inside of me with very minimal treatment. Still crazy, still hard to believe to this day.

YAY FOR LIFE! I feel so blessed and thankful for so much :).

Lots of love,
Rachel

The Funny Thing about Medicines

2009-05-14T13:37:00.003-05:00

I have obviously taken way more medicines than I can keep track of over the past 10 years...and still continue to take a fair amount. So, when it comes to taking more than is required, I am hesitant, even if it will help.

I'm not sure where it stems from except maybe I don't like the extra side effects or putting even more chemicals in my body. Even though Zofran (amazing nausea medicine-can come in pill, IV, etc. form) helps a ton and I can't imagine life without it, I usually wait until I absolutely need it before I take it. This is instead of taking it at the slightest onset of nausea and catching it early. I probably end up setting myself back playing catch-up with the meds (that's what the doctors and nurses used to tell me when I was on chemotherapy- take it early). I also don't like essentially the only side effect of Zofran..

So, while I sit here with another cold or possibly bad allergies, I am hesitant to take medicines...ones that make me feel funny or cause huge headaches if taken for more than a couple days and so on...

Today, I am grateful for a day on the couch to hopefully feel better, a fun week planned next week, friends, family, God.

Rachel

Quote to Ponder

2009-05-12T21:46:00.004-05:00

I picked up a book that I had attempted to read awhile ago and never really finished it and noticed that I had marked a little section of the book...which usually means it's good or meaningful or made me think...

This book was by Robert Hellenga and the marked section said, "Which of us doesn't have a similar ghostly double wandering around somewhere out there in the big wide world? A self from whom we parted company long ago, at some unlikely crossroads? But do we ever encounter these ghostly selves? Do our worlds ever intersect?"

It made me think about-as I do sometimes-how different life would be without the history of cancer. Who would I be? What would I be doing? Who would be in my life? It's anyone's guess really and a big What if?

But, truthfully, overall I'm pretty happy with the life I have now and how it all turned out :).

Today, I am thankful for friends, family, wonderful husband and God!

Rachel

The Ending and Beginning of Something New

2009-05-08T07:52:00.002-05:00

I ended the semester yesterday with a final critique for a drawing class and today I start my art therapy apprenticeship!

I wanted to write about how strange dreams are though. Late yesterday afternoon, while thoroughly exhausted, I fell asleep watching TV on the couch. I suddenly was on a study abroad trip or a vacation with some people from my art classes. Then suddenly we were all outside and a seemingly friendly horse came up and was licking my arm like crazy. He proceeded to start gnawing on my arm (the one that still has some pain and numbness but is status quo and manageable) to where he was becoming aggressive and acted like he was going to eat me. His owners just stood aside and did nothing as I yelled for help. Thankfully, for some reason I was able to get away and run quickly into a house. The people inside were nice and kept me safe as the horse was outside on his hind legs.

I was really happy to wake up and felt like my arm still hurt from the experience. I don't normally remember my dreams very well but this one was very vivid.

What kind of crazy dreams have you had?

Today, I am grateful for about a month off of school, music, friends, family and God.

Rach

Hi

2009-04-29T18:11:00.003-05:00

Hi everyone-I missed you!

I'm in the midst of finals and final projects for the semester, so I'll probably be more brief than I'd like.

Let's see...

-I'm now a year older since I wrote last-I'm 26-yay!

-I was sick on and off from the end of February until the middle of April with colds/sinus infections and then a temporarily swollen neck that thankfully turned out to be nothing (we feared something serious was happening with my thyroid...poor thing has been on meds for years)...I am finally feeling better!

-In happy news, I had my first joint speaking engagement with my husband to about 600 high schoolers-very cool experience!, had another great speaking engagement at a high school senior scholar banquet, enjoyed lots of great times with family and friends-new and old and some that have reemerged from the past to much delight!

-I technically work 3 different jobs so between that and 18 hours of school this semester, that has taken the majority of the time.

Hopefully I'll write more soon.

Today, I am grateful for life, happiness, friends, family and God!

R

Poem to Share

2009-04-08T11:05:00.002-05:00

While I still feel that I am on a semi-break from the blog, I wanted to share a poem that I wrote over the weekend when I attended my first art therapy conference...

April 4, 2009

My heart is peaceful
I am where I should be
Learning my path in life
My creativity feels free
Being around art therapy
I do not feel tied down
I am ready.

Today, I am grateful for so much including friends, family and God!

Rachel

Great Poem...

2009-03-16T20:23:00.002-05:00

You can shed tears that he has gone,

Or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,

Or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,

Or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he's gone,

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,

Be empty and turn your back,

Or you can do what he'd want;

Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

-Author Unknown

Love,
Rachel

A Different Spring Break

2009-03-12T14:27:00.004-05:00

I was to start my new job, have a friend come in town, and a big to-do list. But...life happens.

I was at my new job for about 2 hours on Tuesday when my husband called me and said that his grandpa (who had gone through emergency quadruple bypass surgery the day before) was not doing well at all. That they had also found a virus around his heart when they did the surgery and his organs were failing.

We both raced home, packed up the car and raced west a couple hours to where he was in the ICU. On the drive, we learned we would not make it in time-he had passed away.

It's been a shock to everyone. He was 73 and had great health before this and his parents had lived to be very old (one is still living in fact).

My husband was very close to his grandpa and they shared a love of fishing, amongst other things.

I actually knew his grandparents before I knew him. So, it's really a great loss for all. He and Gabe's grandma had been married for 53 years-true soulmates and a wonderful example of an amazing marriage. He will be truly missed. He was an amazing man.

Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

Today, I am grateful for having known his grandpa, family, friends and God.

Rachel

Spring Break

2009-03-09T21:21:00.002-05:00

I will be taking a 'spring break' from the blog (like I did last year) just to let you know. Hopefully, I'll be back soon!

I am grateful for so much!

Love,
Rachel

Yes, I Went Missing Again...

2009-03-05T12:13:00.003-06:00

Between mid-terms and being sick, I really have not done much else...

I am overjoyed though to be done with 2 big midterms and everything else! The sickness is SO close to being gone and that makes me happy too...

Other randomness: This was a really interesting article about advancements and the future of some cancer treatments...check it out!

And now...one more class, a massage and sleep.

Today, I am grateful for a much needed massage, spring break!, friends, family, God and everything else :).

Rachel

Cancer Miracles...

2009-02-26T19:54:00.002-06:00

A friend sent me this interesting article that is in the March 2nd Forbes magazine: Cancer Miracles

Today, I am grateful for the weekend to rest, family, friends and God.

Rachel

The 2 Sides of 'Good' News...

2009-02-23T21:28:00.002-06:00

The Not-so-Good
-I caught a bad cold from the baby that I watch one day a week (he had snot everywhere the other day and I kept using the hand sanitizer every 2 minutes...guess it didn't work...)
-I still have tons to do before spring break (1 take home exam, 2 exams with tons of material, some art stuff, a group presentation, etc.)

The Good and Better
-My friend's dad got moved to a hospital back here where we live (he was out of state at a renowned facility) and is improving a little each day!
-Spring break IS near...
-Afrin is a good friend when I'm sick :)...
-I got a paper done early (for psychology class-history of anorexia)-feels awesome!
-I finished a painting for tomorrow (used up all my energy today)...hopefully I'll get some pics up on the site soon of what I've been doing in painting class
-I have 2 new jobs!
-and best of all...I have an AMAZING friend coming to visit over my spring break-she just booked her flight (I met her at a cancer survivors' retreat a few years ago and haven't gotten to see her in a long time) -I can't wait! ;)
-I'm going to bed NOW (early!)

Today, I am grateful for all of the above in the good and better section, family, friends, hubby and God!

R

Time for a Quote!

2009-02-18T10:36:00.003-06:00

Why did the achievers overcome problems while thousands
are overwhelmed by theirs? They refused to hold on to the
common excuses for failure. They turned their stumbling
blocks into stepping stones. They realized that they
couldn't determine every circumstance in life but they
could determine their choice of attitude towards every
circumstance.
-- John Maxwell

In other news...the article I mentioned last week ended up not getting published after all. Oh well, that's how media stuff works!

Also, I didn't mention in my last post that the nerve conduction test also ruled out the possibility of me having carpal tunnel. I still wish I knew why I have so much pain and some numbness-although part of me is used to always being such a medical mystery...

Today, I am grateful for lunch with a friend, fun stuff planned with friends and family the next few days, spring break is only a couple weeks away (hard to believe!), friends, family, husband and God.

Rachel

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2009-02-14T15:32:00.003-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

...and Nerve Conduction Test Results: My nerves themselves in my arm don't seem to have any damage so the pain and numbess cannot be explained by that. I think it goes back to the scar tissue/radiation damage in my back where the nerve roots sit.

I'm working and then celebrating BIG tonight with the hubby-can't wait!

Today, I am grateful for: SO much!

Rachel

Follow-up

2009-02-13T10:59:00.003-06:00

Do you remember when I posted about the eHarmony contest that had a sarcoma survivor? Well, thanks to all who voted-they WON !

Click here for eHarmony's Most Inspirational Couple of 2008!

In other news, I am heading to the Dr. this afternoon for the nerve conduction test on my arm...I probably won't have results for a couple weeks. I'm hoping it's not too painful (I was saying that I'm out of practice for all these random tests-it's been awhile.)

Today, I am grateful for: the weekend, for extra sleep, friends, hubby, family and God!

Rachel

Awesome Askin's Tumor Survivor!

2009-02-12T11:55:00.002-06:00

Inspirational...Lymphoma and Askin's Tumor survivor-Sean Swarner

Today, I am grateful for friends, family, God and hope!

Rachel

Neat Site for Rare Diseases

2009-02-10T23:29:00.002-06:00

My husband's friend, David Isserman, co-founded a website called RareShare.org . Rareshare.org connects people with rare diseases from around the world. (There is now a community for Askin's Tumor survivors!)

I wanted let you guys know about the site and pass along a great article about RareShare that just came out in the Washington Post. Feel free to forward this to others who might find some interest in it.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/06/AR2009020603102.html

Thanks!

Today, I am grateful for: beautiful weather, things turning out fine when I forgot something for class, dinner with a friend, friends, family, God and a walk outside this morning :).

Rach

The Day I Was Diagnosed...

2009-02-05T12:33:00.003-06:00

I wrote this today for the Liddy Shriver Sarcoma Initiative's Team Sarcoma's Moments in Sarcoma Project-which I encourage you to do if you have been touched by sarcoma. The link is: http://www.team-sarcoma.net/moments.html

The website says, It might be a moment of bravery, compassion, wisdom, humor, or grief, an experience that educates others or a time full of hope...

Mine is about the day I was diagnosed-

I will always remember the day I was diagnosed-Friday, Dec. 4th, 1998. I stayed home from high school that day because my legs and chest were numb. Through the course of fortunate events, we ended up getting into a very respected neurologist that day. He had actually had taken the day off to do paperwork, but had an inkling that something was up and wanted to see me right away. We did the usual neurological tests with the pins and instruments and I could feel some and others felt strange and could not feel much of others. I remember too, for some reason, I was wearing black fleece pants with zippers on the bottom and a light blue long sleeve t-shirt. After an MRI, he sat my mother and I down to let us know what they'd seen-an egg-sized tumor that was strangling the upper part of my spinal cord. I was admitted directly into the hospital and was raced around to different departments for other testing before an emergency surgery was performed early the next morning. I also vividly remembering listening to a song on my Dad's Walkman called 'Changes' while the nurse attempted to start an IV in my arm. The lyrics rang very true, "...things'll never be the same/That's just the way it is..."

Today, I am grateful for friends, family, God.

Rachel

Quick Updates...

2009-02-04T23:10:00.002-06:00

-Today is World Cancer Day (I'm posting that a little late-sorry)!

-Our God son was baptized on Sunday-Congrats little guy! (and he slept through it all!)...The other mother there accidentally said the wrong name for her child-oops.

-Follow-up with neurologist was on Monday-things are about the same with the pain and numbness in my right arm and back. We are going to go ahead and do a nerve conduction test soon and see what's going on. If that shows nothing, this may just be how it will be for months and years-because of the treatments, surgery and radiation.

-I was interviewed today for an article on living with pain that is supposed to appear in a national news magazine next week-I will follow-up with details when I know them :).

That's about it for now...Today, I am grateful for being done with a stressful, huge psychology test, friends, family, God and prayers.

Hugs,
Rachel

Yesterday...

2009-01-30T19:40:00.003-06:00

was a 'big day'. And while I wish I could...I can't go into all the details. The first thing that happened was I had lunch with the dean from my college and a development officer. They wanted to take me to lunch to congratulate me on my Glamour award, etc. It was a nice time and I am grateful to have met them!

Later on, I met with some other amazing people (not related to the lunch meeting-different people, different purpose). They had traveled from across the world to meet. With some help interpreting, we were able to have a wonderful time and dinner together, including some people that I've grown up knowing and a couple local new faces too.

I am grateful for these experiences and meeting such inspiring people and cannot wait to see what the future holds!

Today, I am grateful for a mostly great week, friends, family, prayers and God!

Rachel

Prayers

2009-01-29T08:36:00.003-06:00

We found out this week a family friend/my friend's dad was diagnosed with a rare form of lymphoma-Intravascular Large B-Cell Lymphoma. He is in the ICU right now with many complications (it took awhile for them to diagnose him as it was hiding from all the usual medical tests).

He is a special man to MANY people-always helping others. Please pray for him and his family!

Today, I am grateful for prayers, family, friends, God and a really special day ahead of me!

Rachel

Art as Therapy

2009-01-26T17:54:00.003-06:00

Obviously art as therapy interests me-a lot-thus why I want to become an art therapist. On Fridays at my university, the art students work in the art studios (we have classes off and are expected to be there working on stuff and also attend a noon artist lecture that the university arranges). I really like the set-up and have been pretty productive the last 2 Fridays which helps to enjoy the weekends even more.

Last Friday I had a paint mixing exercise to work on and had some leftover paint. Since growing up, my family wasn't big on wasting anything, I did not want to waste the paint.

I took it and started playing around on some extra paper. The more I experimented, the more the art became introspective of life right now. I had a busy background with swirls and various colors and overlapping designs. Then I painted a person in white with some dimension that is looking towards the chaos and the arms are crossed or outstretched (unseen from the viewer's angle). I realized it is somewhat representational of my life right now. I was pleased with the outcome and am thinking it might get a 'wall spot' in the condo. Here it is:

Today, I am grateful for a night to relax, hopefully a snow day tomorrow (crossing my fingers b/c it's my 13 hour school day...), friends, family and God!

Rachel

Vote for the SAMFund!

2009-01-25T15:35:00.001-06:00

click here and then click on Vote on the left side of the page!

Thanks :).

Today, I am grateful for friends, family and God.

Rachel

Yesterday Was Blessed Chaminade's Feast Day

2009-01-23T15:30:00.002-06:00

Blessed William Chaminade has been such an inspiration to me in the way that he lived his life. I wrote a post about him awhile ago-click here to read it.

His feast day is January 22 and I celebrated in my own quiet way but was unable to make the special service in his honor.

Today, I am grateful for weekends, for having a productive Friday, friends, family and God.

Rachel

Family and Friends

2009-01-19T09:57:00.000-06:00

My parents, brother and of course, Gabe and his family too are truly some of my closest friends in life. I feel so fortunate to have this and feel like there is always someone to turn to when needed. I cannot imagine going through everything without them. I know I will be heartbroken when/if I lose these people in my life. People always ask me, "How did you make it through everything-and so positively?" Simply-friends, family and God. And doing art, writing, and helping others was bonus therapy.

I am SO amazed by the spirits of people I know and hear about that overcome major obstacles in life without a strong, caring family. A lot of times they find the support in friends that become family, which is truly a gift too. I wonder if I could be that strong? Reach out to those around you-you never know what they are going through.

Today, I am grateful for family, friends and God.

R

Hope everyone is doing well...

2009-01-14T14:55:00.000-06:00

The first week of school is off to a crazy start! Trying to get school supplies, scholarship forms mailed off, mailing textbooks I sold on Amazon (w/in the 2-day time window)- highly recommend it-it's my first time, working lots of hours, working out with my new workout partner (thanks D! So excited we are at college together again!) and going to lots of classes...and on top of that...dealing with some sort of food poisoning/stomach bug thing. Not so much fun. Will probably go to the Dr. soon to get some meds/get it checked out. And nope, I haven't eaten any peanut butter.

I think I'm really going to like my classes though. I'm taking my first true art therapy class and I LOVED the first night of it. We do some art therapy exercises and learn about the history of art therapy, etc. I'll take another art therapy intro class in the fall too. I finally am taking my first 2 real art classes at this college too...painting and a drawing class. This will be my first painting class (I am pretty self-taught). My professor was really surprised. After class, he wanted to make sure I wasn't supposed to be in advanced because he had seen some of my stuff last fall. Also, looking forward to Introduction to Asian Art and a psych class-will go to that tonight for the first time.

Ciao!

Today, I am grateful for strength to get through this week, friends, family, God and a great husband!

Rach

Please Check This Out and Vote...

2009-01-12T22:08:00.002-06:00

My friend Mary sent me this:

Brett finished with Ewing's sarcoma treatment recently. He and Holly are
young and in love and could win a vacation from eHarmony. Their love
story is posted on the link below, and there is a voting button
underneath it.

Please give them a vote...or two. You can vote once a day through
January 23.

http://advice.eharmony.com/article/an-eharmony-success-couple-holly-and-brett.html

Thanks!

Today, I am grateful to make it through the first day of classes and a full day of work, for fun TV shows, family, friends, God and music :).

Rachel

Boutique Closing

2009-01-08T23:11:00.002-06:00

The maternity boutique where I started working in Dec. is going to be closing in mid-February, if not sooner.

This is definitely sad and due to the economy. I have my work cut out for me right now-the past couple days, since the news has been released, the store has been a zoo.

A couple more days/weekend to savor before school revs up at full speed ahead too on Monday.

Today, I am grateful for family, friends and God.

Rachel

Great Quote

2009-01-07T07:34:00.000-06:00

I found this great quote on Jill's blog- Dancing with Cancer:

Grief can destroy you -- or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end on death, and you alone. Or you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see it wasn't just a movie and dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceeded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life.
- Dean Koontz's book Odd Hours

Today, I am grateful for a day with no plans to catch up on stuff like scholarships for next year (if anyone has any great ideas-please share!), friends, family, God and a warm place to live.

Love,
Me

6 Months

2009-01-05T18:00:00.005-06:00

Today marks 6 months of marriage for us! In some ways it seems longer, in some ways-shorter but it's been great so far. We easily shifted into living together and taking up our respective "duties/roles" and being respectful of the other person's habits like him being quiet if he gets up before me to let me sleep :).

Happy 6 months of marriage (and many more years to come)! Cheers!

Today, I am grateful for my wonderful marriage, for family, friends and God and a week of break til school begins again!

Rach

Posts of 2008

2009-01-02T08:57:00.003-06:00

I decided I would go about highlighting posts from 2008 by linking my favorite one from each month. Here goes (just click on the titles if you want to read a specific one):

January- Plan for a long future but live in the moment

February-Tribute to Holly Young

March-Two Worlds Colliding

April-Self-Portrait (painting)

May-My Commencement Speech

June-Life Statements

July-New Life

August-My Brother's Man of Honor Speech

September-Los Angeles Trip Speech

October-I Miss my Friends

November-Gabe's Poem

December- The Last Ones (song by Matthew West)

After reading through the last year via the blog, it's been a SUPER busy time...makes me tired just reading about it all but the year was oh so FUN (minus the not fun stuff of course like people passing away, etc)!

Hopefully 2009 will bring such blessings to everyone too!

I am grateful for all the blessings, family, friends, another new year and God!

Love,
Rach

New Year's Letter

2009-01-01T08:57:00.003-06:00

(edited from last year's letter-because I liked it a lot...)

Dear Self,

May you have a beautiful 2009. May you learn from things that seem unfortunate and appreciate the wonderful times that much more. I hope you try to better yourself and the lives around you. Try to keep yourself healthy in ways that you can control. May you enjoy the beginnings and the endings. Be grateful for it all.

Love,
Me

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T14:37:00.004-06:00

May your 2009 be wonderful in many ways and be a time of learning, growing and healing for all!

Be safe and have fun tonight :). We hope to have a low-key night with friends.

Look for the top posts of 2008 coming soon...

Happy New Year to all and thanks again for the warm wishes, prayers and everything nice from this past year. I'm so grateful!

Rachel

My Dear Brother + Good News

2008-12-31T08:40:00.000-06:00

It turned out to be a hernia after the doctor got in there which was GREAT news. He went home last night to rest after the surgery.

Thank God!

Rachel

Great Story

2008-12-30T11:25:00.001-06:00

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/1197420/4273255

This 5 year old cancer survivor is an amazing golfer!

Today, I am thankful for breaks, holidays, family, friends and God.

R

News

2008-12-29T13:26:00.002-06:00

Thanks for the questions and prayers about the MRI.

The neurologist called and said the scans looked good-there are no tumors or significant changes. He said the top of my right lung has some scarring and shrinkage of the normal tissue but he was sure it was from radiation. He thinks radiation is causing my symptoms (numbness, pain, etc). If so, there's no real treatment and it can go away on its own-but could take years. The good thing is it is not serious. I will go to his office for a follow-up in 1 month.

Also, my brother has a small mass of some sort in his lower abdomen/groin area and will have surgery to remove it and biopsy it tomorrow morning-we are hoping it's nothing serious but they won't know until they take it out.

Thanks for the prayers.

Today, I am grateful for no tumors, friends, family, wonderful holidays, God, prayers.

Rachel

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T22:36:00.001-06:00

Merry (somewhat belated) Christmas and happy Holidays to all and to all a good night...

Feeling thankful for lots,
Rach

TV, Friends, Doctors and MRIs

2008-12-22T09:28:00.002-06:00

The day started off early and frigid at 5 degrees Fahrenheit. It landed me here on a local TV morning show's set. It was a lot of fun minus being somewhat sleepy!

Next, is lunch/brunch with a friend...then off to doctors and MRIs for the afternoon/evening!

I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Today, I am grateful for friends, family, good times, prayers, doctors, medicine and God!

Rachel

Finito (almost)

2008-12-17T23:42:00.006-06:00

Whew...tonight I finished up the semester-for the most part. I have something smaller due on Friday and some cleaning up to do at school but the big stuff is out of the way! I know I got an A in College Algebra. At the beginning of the class (and when I signed up)-I was actually worried. I needed it for my math credit for my major and because of cancer, I hadn't really taken much math for about 8 years...(a 1/4 of a semester of calculus-twice over-both times interrupted by relapses)...

My dad used to like to joke that I lived the 'college life' while I was going through cancer treatments-I slept in a lot, I taught myself much of the material, didn't always go to class, etc.

Some of my concerns over the past few years has been...can I do ok in classes on my own? I know this may sound strange-but I was self-conscious about it. Between having a special tutor and some help with my schoolwork from teachers and friends when I had cancer, I started to doubt myself and wondered if I would do ok on my own-especially in college.

The other thing I worried about was whether the chemotherapy and other treatments had affected the functioning of my brain-if I would lose some intelligence. I do not believe I am less smart nowadays but I do get some foggy chemobrain symptoms and sometimes can't concentrate as well or process things as quickly, etc. but I've learned to deal with it and usually people don't even notice. It can be trying at times though.

So, the past few years I have really been 'on my own' in college. A lot of professors in the past did not know about the cancer or if they do, I don't get special help. I have gone into my current and last colleges without knowing anyone in my classes and have excelled. It's been nice to prove to myself that I can do it on my own and can do it well-even with all the distractions, especially of this semester-the traveling, speaking, not feeling well, etc. Even though I won't have my final GPA for a few days, I have a good feeling.

Now for some sleep...

Today, I am grateful for break, sleep, a wonderful art event this evening with friends and catching up with some old aquaintances/friends, friends, family, God and relaxing baths!

Rachel

An Art Form of Me

2008-12-17T08:39:00.002-06:00

The Process

The Finished Pieces
(mold from my legs on the left)

The Legs went on a journey...
to the library...

and onto a bench and beyond...

This was my art project for a Creative Strategies class. We did a mold of my legs out of packing tape and then did another of my partner's brother's legs.

I think it turned out pretty well!

Today, I am grateful to be on break after an exam and a quiz in the PM, friends, family and God.

Rach

Great Holiday Story

2008-12-16T08:30:00.001-06:00

Click here for an inspiring, true story!

It is really a neat story about an angel at a Pediatric ICU.

Today, I am grateful for a day off to study and stay inside-away from the chilly outside, friends, family, and God.

Rach

In the End

2008-12-15T16:06:00.003-06:00

In the end, it seems to have been the right decision. It was not easy to make because there was still thoughts that the alternative would have been preferred. My mind had been set on it. But forces seem to have not been leading me to that choice. After it played out the way it did, it seems to have been beneficial for multiple people and that makes it worthwhile for me. It was not that it was not trying at times-in multiple ways-but it was mostly overcome. Overall though the results were very pleasing and perhaps I would do it the same way over again. It was pretty satisfying on multiple levels.

Today, I am grateful to be closer to break, for a nice dinner to look forward to, for a great weekend, for being able to get into my frozen car this morning and get to school on time for my exam, friends, family and God.

Rachel

My Godson!

2008-12-14T16:04:00.002-06:00

It was another late night but this time my car did not get broken into ;)...our godson was born in the wee hours of the morning! It was very exciting :).

Congrats to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and welcome to the world, Emmanuel!

8 lbs 12 ozs

21 Inches Long

5:46 AM December 14th, 2008

Off to study...

Today, I am grateful for new members of the family, life, friends, family, God, being together with people that are special in our lives.

Rachel

Hi

2008-12-11T19:11:00.003-06:00

Saying 'hi' before going into the exams/end of the semester cave....I should emerge on the 18th, if not popping by to say 'hi' again sooner :).

My MRI is going to be on the 22nd and I continue to have random symptoms in my hand, arm and back...we shall see.

Additionally, we had to deal with my car getting broken into this morning (with literally nothing in it for anyone to steal...makes no sense but anyways...) but thankfully someone was able to come to us and fix it pretty quickly and it really is all about perspective. This was just one of those things that happens and there was no point in getting upset. My husband and I just worked as a team to clean the car, vacuum it out, and call around to find someone to fix it and then juggle our work schedules to make it work-all of that combined made all the difference!

Today, I am grateful for a new window, friends, husband, family, God and ways to make money to pay for these sorts of things!

Rach

Art is knowing which ones to keep...

2008-12-09T10:18:00.003-06:00

Link to Painting by Dosia McKay

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

— Scott Adams

My art therapist has told me-"There are no mistakes in art." Thinking of that when I am frustrated with art has been beneficial. I am looking forward to doing lots of art over holiday break (T minus 1 week!)

As much as I like and enjoy and feel fortunate to be able to go to school full-time, my body is really ready for a break and I am looking forward to some time off to heal, connect with friends and family, do lots of artwork, read, clean, cook, enjoy some cultural stuff, etc.

Today, I am grateful for great friends and family, God, love, prayers and hope.

Rach

The Last Ones

2008-12-08T00:06:00.002-06:00

Tonight, we were privileged enough to attend an inspirational charity event put on by a famous athlete's foundation. One song that was played live by Matthew West really touched me as they showed pictures of kids with Down's Syndrome (he was inspired by a little girl who had this syndrome when he wrote the song). It touched me a lot. I have 2 extended family members with Down's-1 on each side of the family. One is now deceased but they are/were such amazing people.

I thought I'd share the lyrics from this song:

The Last Ones by Matthew West

My friend Taylor she's an angel
Ten years old and beautiful
She's a living, breathing miracle
And she proves it everyday
'Cause the odds were stacked against her from the day that she arrived here
And the doctors told her mom and dad she'd always be that way
And I confess when I first met her
I was thinking life's not fair
But then she wrapped her arms around my neck
And it all became so clear

God bless the last ones

One day Taylor sent me a picture from her Special Olympics race
And I could tell just by the looks of it she was coming in last place
But she crossed that finish line with a smile upon her face as if to say

God bless the last ones

Maybe the last ones are the lucky ones
The ones who got this whole thing figured out
'Cause when they go looking for something beautiful
They start looking from the inside out

On our way into the restaurant we passed a homeless man
He was half drunk and half asleep with a paper cup in his hand
And I confess when I first saw him I was thinking life's not fair
But then Taylor reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck
And it all became so clear

God bless the last ones

I wish we could all be the lucky ones
The ones who've got this whole thing figured out
Maybe the next time we go looking for beautiful we'll try looking from the inside out

Today, I am grateful for: sleeping even when it means missing things, friends, family, God, prayers and charity.

Rachel

2 Awesome Sarcoma Survivors

2008-12-06T07:52:00.001-06:00

Did you see these stories on ABC News? They are some of ABC New's Persons of the Year.

Congrats to Kristin Elliott and Josh Sommer! Truly inspiring us all to do something outside of ourselves!

Click here for the link to the story!

Today, I am grateful for the weekend, holiday break coming up, friends, family, prayers and God!

Rach

Happy 10 years of Surviving!

2008-12-05T15:52:00.003-06:00

I woke up this morning and freaked out a little-Wow, it's December 5th. Diagnosis Day (click here for more details). The day everything changed 10 YEARS ago. It's crazy it has been that long now.

...and here I was going to the doctor again....specifically to a neurologist again...in fleece pants again (different ones). The similarities were a little creepy.

But the results, for now, of today's doctor visit: (in a 'Price is Right voice')....and I won...a new...MRI.

Today, I am grateful for great doctors, family, friends, God and weekends :).

Rach

Alternative Holiday Decorating...

2008-12-05T11:00:00.003-06:00

Since I'm not feeling the 'holiday spirit' much (or yet?) and our condo really doesn't have a lot of room for a Christmas tree, decorations, etc., I thought this had some fun ideas (not sure if I'll actually do any...but it was fun to look at!):

Alternative Holiday: Fast, Simple, Modern and Inexpensive by Apartmenttherapy.com

Enjoy!

Today, I am grateful for getting into the neurologist so quickly after calling (yesterday), friends, family, God, a quiet morning.

Rach

Numb Hand Situation

2008-12-04T11:45:00.003-06:00

I will be seeing a neurologist tomorrow about the numb fingers/arm pain/arm numbness/back pain situation that hasn't really gone away for the past month...I appreciate the prayers!

Today, I am grateful: for friends, family, God, Grey's Anatomy, cute babies and nice people.

Rachel

Back on the Race Track

2008-12-02T17:34:00.003-06:00

Vroom Vroom...after a day of one of my e-mail addresses being hacked and used to spam everyone in my address book (so sorry if you were one of them!) and dealing with a 'sick car', I am now back on track!

I am very lucky with the car situation...Murphy's (my car's name-after a little boy that passed away from cancer that I was close to years ago) back brakes had fluid leaking on them and it was causing lots of problems and essentially my car was really dangerous to drive (and I had ignored that sound and sensation for months...oops). I feel fortunate that nothing more serious happened. Plus, when picking it up today, the bill was less than what it was quoted to be last night on the phone-that's ALWAYS a nice surprise!

Today, I am grateful for: naps are my friend these days, for a great car shop, for a 'healthy car', for friends, family and God and all the help I get from those!

Rach

Health Insurance Gripe

2008-12-01T21:02:00.005-06:00

I probably should not even complain...I know that I am really lucky to even have health insurance-much less great health insurance (I feel for those who do not) but the other day I got a lovely letter in the mail...it let us know that starting in 2009, my monthly insurance rate would skyrocket by 30% (it was already pretty pricey). It just stinks because they know I do not have a choice. They know I won't get picked up by other insurance companies because of my cancer history. If we tried to negotiate, they'd just raise the deductible (to lower the monthly payment) which would end up costing us more in the long run...frustrating. As my friend used to say, It's like being between a rock and a hard place...

Just venting...thanks for listening!

Today, I am grateful for my family, friends, the help of others in SO many ways, and of course, God.

Rach

Not sure how I didn't blog about it...

2008-11-30T21:47:00.002-06:00

But yesterday was obviously November 29th...6 years since we thought I had weeks to live!

Read more about it from last year's blog post here.

Today, I am grateful for an amazing family, friends, God and life!

Rachel

Inspiring

2008-11-29T08:49:00.002-06:00

Teen girl conquers terminal cancer and a stroke (click here for full story)

Pretty awesome!

Today, I'm thankful for the break, family, friends and God.

Rach