Another day of (hopefully) healing is upon me...another day of rest (very unlike me). I have pretty much been semi-sick for about a month now. I kept thinking it has left and it has not, clearly by my blood numbers on Monday. I'm sure the "extra fatigue" that was expected from the new(er) nerve meds aren't helping with how I have been feeling. Sometimes I just do not even feel like myself. In general, I am always fatigued, a gift and long term side effect from the cancer and it's many treatments, but this is a lot, more than I am used to. The usual fatigue I battle through and just ignore and usually do what I please. Then, the added holidays were very nice but they added to the fatigue.

It reminds me of times after my cancer treatments were over, maybe more after the first and second times around of having cancer (a bit more naive) where I would feel cheated when I got sick. One is made to believe that you go in remission or you get 'better' or whatever and you live a healthy life (whatever that is). Your sickness is done. You don't realized, at least in my case, that I will be sick on and off probably forever. It's not a place that you go back and feel healthy again. There is too much damage to ever turn back. It's not to say that this place is worse, it's just different. It's about learning to deal with getting sick more, having more long-term side effects and still many doctors appointments.

That's in a nutshell some of thoughts of recent times for me thus not supplying many creative juices. I'm trying my best and I'll continue to attempt to 'rest' although I haven't ever been that great at that, as of yet.

Today, I am grateful for: a nice, relaxing lunch, friends of all ages, family, God and life.



Sherry said...

Oh honey, I hear you on the fatigue..and the graphic you chose fits it perfectly. I still feel fatigued so often...this month has been very bad...I think it's the rush and the madness. If you've been ill and your meds are new that is going to contribute to the basic fatigue. And even though we know this is a life-long lingering side effect, a fatigue that hits is right through the bones, it doesn't make it any better...we think we are beyond all this and then "wham" it smacks us in the face. Sending you healing thoughts and energy and much love.

Anonymous said...

I'll take care of you when you are fatigued ;).

Obsessedwithlife said...

Thank you Sherry and Gabe!