Obsessed with Life
...trying to make the most of each day, with some painting, speaking, helping, writing, and traveling along the way...
7.17.2010
Miracle Story
I am grateful for the kind words from people and hope that this story can help others in some way.
I want to share my favorite story, reported by Maggie Crane from KMOV:
http://www.kmov.com/community/blogs/reporters-blog/Vatican-investigates-miracle-in-St-Louis-98591419.html
Today, I am grateful for so much it is overwhelming!
Rachel
6.16.2010
Milestone
Tomorrow, I am reaching a milestone-for many cancer survivors, that is. Awhile ago I wrote a post about my port. Well, tomorrow is the big day that we will be parting ways. Even though I still go to the doctor every 3 months, I have decided after 7 years together, we are going to break up. You've been a good sport, Port.
Before the craziness of grad school starts, I figured I would have the time to rest after getting it out and can muster up the strength to get stuck in my arm every 3 months...
Pros of getting it out:
-No more plastic device in my body
-It's a step in healing
-I could (if I wanted to) play high impact sports
-Do not have to worry about it getting infected
-Forced rest
Cons:
-I've had to stop one of my medicines for a few days and it has left me with horrible headaches and soreness...ugh.
-It's surgery with an incision, soreness and possible complications (low chance)
-I will have to get IVs in the arms again
-If I ever need to get a port again, my places to put a new one will be limited (I have had 2 external central lines and I think 3 internal ports over the years).
Today, I am thankful for a wonderful summer, hope, friends, family, and God.
Rach
5.27.2010
2010 Celebration of Cancer Survivorship
If you are going to be in or around Nashville next weekend (June 6th), join me at Vanderbilt-Ingram Cancer Center's 2010 Celebration of Cancer Survivorship . I will be keynoting the event and my husband will play a part too! There will also be artwork from the amazing Lilly Oncology On Canvas™ Exhibit.
For more information visit: http://www.vicc.org/2010/celebration/
This should be a spectacular event and I have been looking forward to it since last fall when I found out I would be speaking!
Today, I am grateful for a wonderful summer so far, family, friends, God and amazing opportunities to meet and touch others.
Rachel
5.19.2010
6 Years! Woohoo!
Still hard to believe it all happened...but I am incredibly thankful to God and my medical team. They continue to get me through every day.
Rachel
5.02.2010
BA Show
Ceramic piece: Facing My BackThis piece addresses the scars on my back that are from the extensive tumor removals and resections. The scars represent all of the healing and trauma that has gone on within my body-emotionally, physically, psychologically and spiritually-since being diagnosed for the first of three times.
Painting Title: Inside GriefAcrylic on Wood
This piece is representative of the feelings that emerge sometimes about having had cancer three times and all that it entails. Usually, I am very positive but this shows the other side.

Wire, fabric and LED lights

Clear Thread, Hot Glue and Fabric

Acrylic on Canvas
Dragonflies are my personal symbol of hope.
Rachel
3.26.2010
Interesting Read
Check it out here.
My favorite quote was at the very end. It resonated with me:
But here's the thing: I don't think you move on, really, from the past. You do, but you don't. You carry it with you. You make it as light as you can. As light as feathers.
Today, I am grateful for so much. Life is good!
Rachel
3.03.2010
Graduate School
I just found out I was one of the lucky 10 accepted into the Graduate Art Therapy Counseling Program for this fall!
I couldn't be more excited as this is one of my life's goals-to become an art therapist!
Today, I am grateful for this exciting news, the family, friend, God and experiences that have brought me to this point in my life!
Rachel
2.13.2010
James "Rhio" O'Connor Memorial Scholarship Essay Contest
Rhio O’Connor’s story inspires me from different aspects. First, he inspires me because the only person I knew growing up that had cancer was my paternal grandfather. Not only did he have cancer but he had the same type that O’Connor did- mesothelioma. Mesothelioma (cancer of the mesothelium) is a disease in which cells of the mesothelium become abnormal and divide without control or order. They can invade and damage nearby tissues and organs. Cancer cells can also metastasize (spread) from their original site to other parts of the body. Most cases of mesothelioma begin in the pleura or peritoneum. My grandfather’s case was caused by his lifetime of extensive work as a sheet metal worker around asbestos before they knew the dangerous effects of this substance. He was a fairly healthy man who was crippled by this cancer and died within a year of diagnosis at the age of 67. I was close to my grandfather and was even there when he passed away on Thanksgiving.
To my surprise, several years later at the age of 15, I was diagnosed with a very rare type of cancer- Askin’s Tumor. My cancer was also in my chest but my initial tumor pressed on the top of my spinal cord. After a couple of months and back pain, it eventually led to the beginning of my body shutting down before I had emergency surgery.
Then, chemotherapy began immediately. Being an artist, my bald head became a challenging canvas-if people were going to stare I might as well give them something to see! After a year, I was gladly done. I struggled with feeling older and that continues to be challenging, but I have learned to make it a positive.
In December 2000, cancer was discovered in my bone marrow. It was discouraging but I was not giving up. For the next 5 months, I was in the hospital. Randi, a fellow patient, was fading quickly from a courageous fight with cancer. In her last hours, she looked at me and told me, “Rachel, I will keep fighting in heaven and you must promise me that you will never stop fighting here.” I have never broken my promise.
I missed the second half of my senior year but graduated with my class. Then, for my bone marrow transplant, I had a very intense regimen of chemotherapy in order to kill my entire immune system and brought me close to death. A few days later frozen cells were put into my body to grow a healthy immune system. They discovered I had 2 extremely serious infections but once again surpassed all odds and pulled through. I learned to walk and eat again, enjoying each day and started doing more charity work.
Fall came and I started college for the first time. Once again my body was screaming that something was wrong. We learned a new tumor was growing between my heart, lung, and spine. We had exhausted our medical options and I had weeks to live but I believed there is always hope.
This was when my love for art, poetry and helping others really took off. Doing creative things became my way of leaving myself behind. My goal was to continually have something to look forward to. I despised the thought that if I died, I would become another statistic. Three months passed and I seemed alright and got on with my life!
In the fall, a whole year having passed, I was still alive. My doctors had scoured the globe for options. All the experts believed that I definitely would not be cured ever.
By May 2004, a surgeon came to my hospital and wanted to take the tumor out. Surgery went smoothly and he removed the tumor that was size of a small Nerf football.
The biopsy results showed the tumor had completely died inside me. In medical terms, it is a completely unexplainable. It has been 5.5 years since that surgery and I am the only known case to survive a relapse of Askin’s Tumor following a bone marrow transplant. I find great joy in seeing the positive sides of everything I have been through.
My efforts took me all the way to Denmark to help give global awareness and raise money towards sarcoma cancer. Another positive example out of many is my trip to Washington D.C. where I talked to Congressmen about cancer funding. I am now the only nominated young adult member of the American Pain Foundation’s Pain Community Advisory Council.
I try to balance the advocacy work with other things like college. I have accepted that cancer will never leave me. It is embedded in me-physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It makes me so grateful to be in such an amazing country with so many opportunities.
O’Connor’s story reminded me of the will to never give up on hope and how I felt that when I was facing horrible odds and then eventually a 0% chance of survival. With the help of my doctors, family and friends and God, we never gave up and tried every possible angle we could to try to extend my life expectancy. It was also important to do something each day that was enjoyable-no matter how small-because none of us really knows how long we have on this Earth.
Cancer is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. Because of it, I am driven to become an art therapist and continue helping others through my speaking, writing, art and volunteering. As Albert Einstein once said, “There are 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” I choose the latter. Miracles have allowed me to live and I am forever grateful.
Rachel
2.12.2010
There is a God
The part that always gets me is, "Stop and think about what you don't understand/ Things like life and love and how the world began/ Hear the doctor say he can't explain it, but the cancer is gone/ Chorus: There is a God/ There is a God/ There is a God/ How much proof do you need?"
Lyrics:
Try and put your arms around
a 100 year old tree
Climb up on a horse
and let it run full speed
Take a look down at the world from 30,000 feet
on your next flight
Watch a flock of birds
against the morning sun
Close your eyes and listen
to the river run
Catch a firefly in your hand
or a raindrop on your tongue
That's right
Chorus:
There is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?
Plant a seed and see
what comes out of the ground
Find the heartbeat on your baby's ultrasound
In a few years hear it laughing,
and don't it sound like a song?
Stop and think about
what you don't understand
Things like life and love
and how the world began
Hear the doctor say he can't explain it,
but the cancer is gone
Chorus:
There is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?
Bridge:
Science says it's all just circumstance
Like this whole worlds just an accident
But if you want to shoot that theory down,
Look around
Just look around
There is a God
There is a God
There is a God,
How much proof do you need?
Oh there is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?
Today, I am grateful for God, friends, family, no sign of cancer and much more!
Rach
2.07.2010
Update and Articles...
One article is about the cost of cancer on MarketWatch.com: Poor prognosis on payments: You can survive cancer and still be laid low -- by the bills (my quote on pg. 2) and mention of the amazing organization the SAMFund!
The other article, about cancer and pain, appears on the front page of Pain Solutions Magazine's website: A Breakthrough in Understanding Cancer Pain: THE AMERICAN PAIN FOUNDATION’S NEW SURVEY REVEALS THE VAST PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, AND FINANCIAL TOLL OF BREAKTHROUGH CANCER PAIN
Finally, I received my letter from grad school. I am one of 30 candidates for the Art Therapy Counseling Program!! I have interviews in a couple weeks and then they will pick 10 of us as the final class. I am very excited about the process.
Today, I am grateful for peacefulness amongst the hectic, joy amongst pain, supportive family, amazing friends and God and things always working out some way or another!
Rachel
1.20.2010
A good friend...
“A good friend is a connection to life―a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”
―Lois Wyse
Thankful for all my friends-of all ages, from various parts of the world, of various relationships I have with them...everything :).
Rachel
1.15.2010
Grad School
It is something that I did in an apprenticeship setting this past summer and reaffirmed that this is something I want to do-for others. When I am helping others, I feel empowered and it, too, helps my pain levels and I do not think about them as much.
I am really hoping that I will be accepted into the competitive program.
Today, I am thankful for so much and the people around me who support me through everything.
Love,
Rachel
1.07.2010
Great Young Adult Cancer Article
Today, I am grateful for a new baby niece, family, friends, God and a little more holiday break to enjoy!
Rach
1.02.2010
Happy New Year!
Various jobs this year:
- The usual inspirational speaking
- Working at a cute maternity clothing boutique that unfortunately closed
- Giving out Bolthouse Farms samples of smoothies and salad dressings at various grocery stores
- Babysitting here and there
- Since February, enjoying my job at an upscale children's clothing boutique
- Passed the 5 year No Evidence of Cancer Anniversary on May 19th!
- Went through extensive testing on my arms and back (nerve conduction, etc.) as there has been pain and various numbness since November of 2009...all the tests came back normal-The symptoms are probably from radiation and scar tissue-and it's just something additional to learn to live with.
- Chest pains this summer that came and went after a few weeks and testing that showed nothing...
- Officially diagnosed with "chemo brain"
- Asian Art
- Painting I
- Figure Drawing
- Art Therapy: History and Theory
- History, Philosophy and Systems of Psychology
- Phenomena: Shame, Guilt and Forgiveness
- Art Therapy Apprenticeship-working on a medical psychiatric unit & a kids camp
- Introduction to Measurement and Statistics (Psychology based)
- Introduction to Research Methods
- Ceramics I
- Painting II
- Intermediate Drawing
- Art for Elementary Grades
- Art Therapy Introduction
- Personality Theory
- Belleville Catholic Conference for High Schoolers
- Pike Press Scholars Banquet
- Aaron Hubbell Memorial Golf Tournament
- American Society of Interior Designers & Bone Marrow Drive Event
- American Cancer Society's Relay for Life
- Encounter
- St. Mary's Hospital Celebration for Life Luncheon
- Cameron Siemers for Hope- Santa Ana, CA
- Taught an art class to children at hospital I was treated at
- Various work with the American Pain Foundation as a PCAC member
- Accepted position recently on a board of young professionals that assist local cancer charities
Rest in Peace: Gabe's Grandpa, Gabe's cousin David, my Grandma, our friends- Jenny and Don
Trips: Minneapolis, MN; bed and breakfast for our 1 year wedding anniversary!; Santa Ana, California; Des Moines, IA
Thankful for: the return to health of various friends and family, the love and support of friends, family and God and endless blessings.
Much was learned, many tears were cried but there was so much fun and love to go around too!
Looking forward to everything on the horizon for 2010...
Love,
Rachel
12.25.2009
12.21.2009
Neat Article
Click here for article
Happy Holidays...so much to be grateful for!
Love,
Rachel
12.17.2009
Year-End Thank Yous
But, I also want to thank people, organizations, etc. that have helped me and my husband out tremendously whether it was scholarships for school, awards, or helping to pay for some my super expensive insurance bills!!
- Santo Foundation 2009 Special Recognition Award for Outstanding Community Service
- Wipe Out Kids Cancer Scholarship
- Rebecca H. Truelsch Memorial Scholarship
- The Kyle Lee Foundation Scholarship
- National Collegiate Cancer Foundation Scholarship
- University Scholarship
- University's Dean's Award for Service
- SAMFund Grant
We are very grateful to all of these wonderful and amazing organizations and institutions!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
Rachel
Hello to Anyone Still Reading...
This fall brought the death of 2 dear friends and a brain tumor for my father-in-law. Thankfully, my father-in-law is doing amazingly, miraculously well after a complicated surgery! For this, we are grateful because before surgery his symptoms were getting pretty severe.
I finished up the school semester on Tuesday night so yay for that!
I am working on things for Art Therapy graduate school like taking the MAT (still waiting on results), getting art together for a portfolio, recommendation letters, etc.
I am now on Twitter (not always consistent but I'm trying): twitter.com/obsessdwithlife
Happy Holidays to everyone!!
I am grateful for health, family, friends and God.
Rachel
11.10.2009
Quote for Jenny
Because life is a living, breathing work of art, you are a painting as you go. Be a masterpiece. Drink in life. Laugh too loud. Compliment others constantly.
—Nicole Johnson author, performer, motivational speaker
In honor of my friend Jenny who passed away last week from a cancer very similar to mine...this quote reminds me of her. She was truly amazing and lived life SO fully. There is much to be learned from her. She did so much in her 23 years... Love you, my friend.
Today, I am grateful for Jenny's friendship, my friends, family and God.
Rach
10.22.2009
Hi!!
I wanted to share some great quotes that related to my life. I got them from the supplement to CURE magazine's Fall 2009 Issue about Surviving Well: When Treatment Ends, Surviving Begins.
"Being told you are cancer-free is not the same as being free of your disease" -Julia Rowland, PhD, Director, Office of Cancer Survivorship, NCI
"Permanent survival is roughly equated with 'cure,' but the person who has come through a cancer experience is indelibly affected by it." - "From Cancer Patient to Cancer Survivor: Lost in Transition," Institute of Medicine
"Whether good or bad, life changing situations often give people the chance to grow, learn, and appreciate what's important to them. Many people with cancer describe their experiences as a journey. It's not necessarily a journey they would have chosen for themselves. But it sometimes presents the opportunity to look at things in a different way." -"Facing Forward: Life after Cancer Treatment" booklet, NCI
"As cancer evolves into a chronic illness, the challenge will be in living life to the fullest extent possible, given long-term and late effects of treatment. These include not only physical effects, but emotional and socioeconomic effects as well." -Debra Thaler-Demers, RN, OCN, Survivor
Today, I am grateful for family, friends, God, a wonderful weekend full of fun ahead to finish up fall break!
Rach
9.29.2009
Grandma's Eulogy from her Children's Perspective
I'm Mark, the oldest son and speaking for my brothers and sisters, I would like to tell you about the amazing mother we had.
Our mother's father, Edward actually came over from Germany to go to the seminary. After he left the seminary, he got married and eventually settled here. He had eight children and Mom was the youngest and by quite a margin. It must have been a very devout family since two of Mom's sisters became nuns. Our Mom was born, baptized, went to school and was married here.
She lived here for 50 years and raised all of her children here. All of her children went to Holy Cross and grew up in the same house that she did.-a little house with one sink-can you believe it? This strong religious foundation would help her later in life as a wife and mother.
Now I now would like to share some thoughts about our Mom starting first with some comments from my brother Vince, whom Mom liked to call her baby:
"My mom was a great role model and I learned a lot from her and the people she influenced. As far back as I can remember, our dad was sick, in and out of the VA hospital, and couldn't keep a full time job. Because of my dad's condition, mom had to wear many hats in our family. She did it all. She was like a single mom but in addition to taking care of five kids, she had to take care of my dad too. "
"As I became an adolescent my mom went back to work full time. I learned I could get away with a lot of things because I didn't have much "adult supervision". By that time, I was looking up to my older brothers who weren't exactly angels either. I learned a lot from them, some good and some not so good."
(In looking back, I wish I had been mature enough to help mom more.)
"Somehow I managed to stay out of too much trouble. Shortly after I turned seventeen, my dad passed away suddenly and it was just my mom and me at home. She tried to control my behavior, but at five foot two, she couldn't stop me. I had no fear and learned I could get away with even more."
"My mom rarely told me what to do. However she always questioned me-is your homework done, why do you stay out so late, etc? In her own way, she was teaching me about life, I learned a lot of lessons the hard way and later realized she was just trying to help me."
"I also had four older siblings that were examples for me to follow but Mom was a role model for them and, in turn, they became role models for me."
"My mom lived a good life. She had faith in God and was a great example for all of us. She rarely complained about anything throughout her life, even near the end."
Now I would like to share some thoughts from my brother Jim:
| "Mom was the hardest worker I ever knew. She was a great cook, house cleaner, banker, scheduler, car pool driver, bill payer, disciplinarian (at least for two of us), clothes washer, tutor, volunteer and friend. Our clothes were always clean and pressed. If we tore a hole in our pants she sewed them up and they were ready to go the next day. Our house was always spotless and everything had a place. She didn't have to tell us very often to "put something away". We just accepted it as the right way to live." "She put her family first. She somehow managed to sacrifice and save enough money to send 5 kids to Catholic grade schools and high schools. Extra money was spent on her kids, not herself. I am sure there were times she would have liked a new dress but that rarely happened." "She always stressed the importance of working hard in school and getting a good education. Neither Mom or Dad finished high school. She had to drop out and go to work when her father lost his job during the Depression." "Mom was proud all of her kids graduated from college. Though she never said it, I think it was one of her goals." (In looking back, she always encouraged us to have jobs-cutting grass, delivering newspapers, etc. and would say "Save your money so you can go to college.) "She rarely complained and didn't need much to be happy. God, family and friends were important, everything else was secondary. She was never jealous of people who had more than she. Big houses, fancy cars and expensive clothes didn't impress her. Integrity and respect for others had more meaning and opened the door to more long and lasting friendships. Mom made lots of friends at her apartment and nursing home. People loved her because she always treated them with respect and never complained about her life and the hand she was dealt. God had a plan for her and she was OK with it, no need to burden anyone else." "Now that she is in heaven I am sure I will be calling on her again to help me get through the bumps in the road ahead. I know she will be there for me and the entire family. Her greatest legacy is the great family she leaves behind. She showed us how to be good parents and what is truly important in life." We love you Mom! Thank you for being such a great mother! |
Today, I am grateful for a wonderful weekend in California with my mom, friends, family and God.
Rach
9.26.2009
National Pain Awareness Day
Pain Community News
I am in Santa Ana, California speaking tonight at this event with the Cameron Siemers Foundation for Hope...I'm really looking forward to it!
Today, I am thankful for so much and an amazing week-celebrating my grandma's life, having a triple date with inspiring people and sharing time with friend and family.
Love,
Rachel
9.24.2009
Grandma's Eulogy
by Rachel and Gabe
I’ve been asked to speak on behalf of the 11 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. My name is Rachel; I'm one of the lucky 11.
Before sitting down to write, I asked each grandchild to share one's thoughts and memories on what made Grandma so amazing. I tried to simplify these memories into a lasting legacy of three things: family, faith, and cleanliness.
Initially, I was surprised that as the dozens of memories poured in, very few of them overlapped. As I thought about why, though, it makes sense; Grandma always had a way to make each of us feel special. This was her gift.
For example, Mares fondly remembered such activities as Easter egg hunts and swimming. Mark immediately recalled thoughts of board games and cards, including Grandma's mischievous knack for winning while pretending to be completely unaware that she was ever holding a decent hand. Matt and I remembered the sleepovers and waking up to the smell of eggs and toaster waffles in the morning.
Realistically, it was simply that she wanted nothing but the best for her family. In fact, as Christine, Kyle, and Jack noted, "She was always concerned with us doing what made us happy."
Whatever the memories, it's hard to argue that our passions became her passions.
Second, I'd like to confirm her unwavering 'faith'.
In spite of a tough life, Grandma was a rock. Seldom overly vocal, it was her sound actions, backed by a strong faith life, that spoke for her. Maggie commented, "The past couple days as I have been thinking about her a lot, I have been trying to "be like Grandma" and quit my complaining."
This isn't to say that Grandma didn't vocalize her thoughts when deemed necessary. In fact, Jack remembers Grandma consistently reminding him to sing at church because it counted as praying twice!
A quote I love sums up Grandma's faith well. It states, "The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the woman that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but she whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves her conduct, will pursue her principles unto death."
Lastly, I'd like to touch on her love of cleanliness.
If you know our Grandma, I'm sure you understand why 'cleanliness' is getting the same attention as 'family' and 'faith' in her eulogy. I don't know if it was living through the Great Depression--where she learned the importance of taking care of things--or if it was simply her God-given personality, but whatever it was, Grandma was obsessed with cleanliness. In fact, she was one of the tidiest people I've ever met, even through her final days; a sentiment echoed by many of the grandchildren. Says Maggie, "The few times that my house is super clean and well organized, I think of Grandma and think maybe it would be up to her standards--if only for an hour or so."
Grandma-it's safe to say that you will never be forgotten. Your love for family brought us together today, your passion for faith is the shining example that will keep us moving forward, and your love of cleanliness, well, it taught us to care.
Thank you for everything. We love you.
9.22.2009
Grandma

Rest in Peace, Grandma. You were loved by many and I don't know anyone who didn't love you. Honestly, if there was ever a person who I never heard complain or say anything bad about others, it was you. And you had many things in your life to complain about like losing your husband when you were 53 and before that, dealing with a sick husband and raising 5 kids. You are my hero. Strong in your faith and spirit and quiet in your ways.
I am grateful for your life and the blessings it bestowed on so many.
Love,
Rachel
9.15.2009
Time for a Quote...
And my husband was mentioned on this list of 35 Unique Entrepeneurs That are Changing the Business World-The Rise Underground!!
So proud of him...he truly deserves it after all the hard work he does!
And now for the quote..
“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” -Mark Victor Hansen
Today, I am thankful for friends, family, God, experiences and life.
Love, Rachel
