Fight Like a Girl

Fight Like a Girl by Bomshel

Little girl alone on the playground
Tired of gettin' teased and gettin' pushed around
Wishin' she was invisible
To them

She ran home cryin'
"Why do they hate me?"
And Mama wiped the tears and said
"Baby, you're brave and you're beautiful.
So, hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl."

At 31 she was wheelin' and dealin'
Kept on hittin' that same glass ceilin'
She was never gonna be one of the boys, no
She coulda gave up on her ambition
And spent the rest of her life just wishin'
Instead she listened to her mama's voice sayin'

"Hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl."

Oh, with style and grace
Kick ass and take names

Ten years of climbin' that ladder
Oh, but money and power don't matter
When the doctor said "the cancer spread"
She holds on tight to her husband and babies
And says "this is just another test God gave me.
And I know just how to handle this"

I'll hold my head high
I'll never let this define
The light in my eyes
Love myself, give it Hell
I'll take on this world
If I stand and be strong
No, I'll never give up
I will conquer with love
And I'll fight like
Like a girl

Ooh

Inspirational Song!

Today, I am grateful for a wonderful marriage, family, friends and God.

Rach

Happy 1st Anniversary!

Happy 1st Anniversary Gabe!

It's been an awesome year together. It flew by!

Love,
Rachel

I am grateful for so much!

Great Conference!

I just returned from an amazing conference with the American Pain Foundation in Minneapolis, MN. It was great to see old friends and meet new people. The people that make up this organization are dedicated and do wonderful things for people that live with pain-pain of all types- from disease, from accidents, etc. Many of them volunteer endless hours to fighting for the over 75 million Americans that suffer from chronic pain! (That does not account for those who experience acute pain every year from injury or illness.)

If you are someone living with pain or know someone who is, I highly recommend visiting painfoundation.org!

Now, time to rest up and recover for another non-stop week!

Today, I am grateful for amazing organizations, wonderful opportunities, friends, family and God!

Rach

Another Great Night

The beginning of what I have dubbed my 'craziest week of the summer' has officially begun! It consists of lots of working, starting summer school classes, a graduation party, a baptism and a 4-day conference! It kicked off with a full day of camp-the camp I volunteered at all week was for disabled children and it was AMAZING! I definitely got very worn out but was sad to leave the kids as I was really enjoying getting to know them and see how much most of them loved the art projects. I even was able to work with a few 1-on-1 for a bit.

After camp yesterday, I had a meeting and then spoke at the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life (they gave me a scholarship for college this year)! It was a great turnout with lots of amazing survivors! I got teary-eyed as I carried the baton and led the lap around the track for the survivors-all proudly sporting the purple 'Survivor' t-shirts. On the second lap around, all the supporters, caregivers, etc. joined the survivors including my husband, parents and some of the in-laws (thanks so much for coming!). I also got to see some old friends from an amazing camp for kids with cancer that I have been pretty involved with over the years. They even had free massages for the survivors, which was much needed after the week at camp!

Now, off to find extra energy for this week!

Today, I am grateful for all the amazing opportunities and people that I meet, support of friends and family, hope and God!

Rach

Getting Back in the Groove

It's been a slow journey back into a regular workout schedule...I was roughly doing 2 days a week with a friend at school but since spring classes are over, that's not practical.

As I already knew, working out makes me feel better after I get the motivation to get up and do it. It also helps my pain levels. This week is rough because I am working at a kids' camp for most of the day (as a separate part of my internship) and am so exhausted when I get home. Hopefully I can make it one or 2 days!

So, I joined the gym that I used to belong to (a different location though)...and figured out what works best for me: group classes (pilates, cardio, etc.); a free yoga class at another place for cancer survivors (the room is awesome-it feels like you are in the middle of the forest with birds chirping and there is a big garage door that is opened, if the weather allows, that has a screen on it); sometimes walking outside-preferably with someone or music; machine workouts while watching TV and/or listening to music (the gym I just joined has personal TVs w/ cable on every machine!).

What works for you?

Today, I am grateful for a wonderful week at camp, friends, family, God and sleep :).

Rach

People Fascinate Me

I am doing an art therapy apprenticeship right now (internship) and it is so interesting. Because of HIPAA laws, I can't go into details but our patients' stories are all so unique and interesting! Every person comes with their own histories and reasons for needing therapy in their life. It is amazing to me how much these people and the ones around them have had to go through in life-on top of the medical aspects or in other cases, the complex set of medical reasons piled on top of each other!

It is giving me a new sense of trying to respect what people are going through because we can never really know just by "looking" or talking to someone...just how I now appear healthy and "normal" (whatever that is!) to a stranger...

The apprenticeship is also giving me more admiration for art therapy and what little things can do for healing or making someone's day!

Today, I am grateful for a neat apprenticeship, time for reading for leisure this week, getting certified again in CPR, friends, family and God!

Rachel

Article in the Newspaper...

Last week, in honor of my 5 year anniversary, I was on the front page of the St. Louis Post Dispatch.

Click here for the article.

Today, I am grateful for a fabulous few weeks off school, lots of great people in my life that I can truly trust, a great internship, friends, family and God!

Love,
Rachel

The day every cancer survivor hopes to see...

From my journal one month before the surgery in 2004

Is TODAY for me. The day that is especially sacred to people who have had cancer more than once.

Hard to believe, I know, because I cannot believe it, but there has been no significant sign of cancer in my body for 5 YEARS as of today! In other words, I have been in remission for 5 years! It doesn't necessarily mean that the cancer won't come back or that I won't get other cancers, but the chances are less and 5 years is a very long time-way longer than any other period of reprieve that I've had in the past.

5 years ago today I had an extensive surgery that removed a small Nerf football sized Askins Tumor that had grown between my heart, lung, pulmonary artery and spine. The surgical team separated and removed small pieces of rib, sliced and put back together 3 major muscles in my back, moved organs out of the way and successfully took out the cancerous tumor...the tumor that had somehow died inside of me with very minimal treatment. Still crazy, still hard to believe to this day.

YAY FOR LIFE! I feel so blessed and thankful for so much :).

Lots of love,
Rachel

The Funny Thing about Medicines

I have obviously taken way more medicines than I can keep track of over the past 10 years...and still continue to take a fair amount. So, when it comes to taking more than is required, I am hesitant, even if it will help.

I'm not sure where it stems from except maybe I don't like the extra side effects or putting even more chemicals in my body. Even though Zofran (amazing nausea medicine-can come in pill, IV, etc. form) helps a ton and I can't imagine life without it, I usually wait until I absolutely need it before I take it. This is instead of taking it at the slightest onset of nausea and catching it early. I probably end up setting myself back playing catch-up with the meds (that's what the doctors and nurses used to tell me when I was on chemotherapy- take it early). I also don't like essentially the only side effect of Zofran..

So, while I sit here with another cold or possibly bad allergies, I am hesitant to take medicines...ones that make me feel funny or cause huge headaches if taken for more than a couple days and so on...

Today, I am grateful for a day on the couch to hopefully feel better, a fun week planned next week, friends, family, God.

Rachel

Quote to Ponder

I picked up a book that I had attempted to read awhile ago and never really finished it and noticed that I had marked a little section of the book...which usually means it's good or meaningful or made me think...

This book was by Robert Hellenga and the marked section said, "Which of us doesn't have a similar ghostly double wandering around somewhere out there in the big wide world? A self from whom we parted company long ago, at some unlikely crossroads? But do we ever encounter these ghostly selves? Do our worlds ever intersect?"

It made me think about-as I do sometimes-how different life would be without the history of cancer. Who would I be? What would I be doing? Who would be in my life? It's anyone's guess really and a big What if?

But, truthfully, overall I'm pretty happy with the life I have now and how it all turned out :).

Today, I am thankful for friends, family, wonderful husband and God!

Rachel

The Ending and Beginning of Something New

I ended the semester yesterday with a final critique for a drawing class and today I start my art therapy apprenticeship!

I wanted to write about how strange dreams are though. Late yesterday afternoon, while thoroughly exhausted, I fell asleep watching TV on the couch. I suddenly was on a study abroad trip or a vacation with some people from my art classes. Then suddenly we were all outside and a seemingly friendly horse came up and was licking my arm like crazy. He proceeded to start gnawing on my arm (the one that still has some pain and numbness but is status quo and manageable) to where he was becoming aggressive and acted like he was going to eat me. His owners just stood aside and did nothing as I yelled for help. Thankfully, for some reason I was able to get away and run quickly into a house. The people inside were nice and kept me safe as the horse was outside on his hind legs.

I was really happy to wake up and felt like my arm still hurt from the experience. I don't normally remember my dreams very well but this one was very vivid.

What kind of crazy dreams have you had?

Today, I am grateful for about a month off of school, music, friends, family and God.

Rach

Hi

Hi everyone-I missed you!

I'm in the midst of finals and final projects for the semester, so I'll probably be more brief than I'd like.

Let's see...

-I'm now a year older since I wrote last-I'm 26-yay!

-I was sick on and off from the end of February until the middle of April with colds/sinus infections and then a temporarily swollen neck that thankfully turned out to be nothing (we feared something serious was happening with my thyroid...poor thing has been on meds for years)...I am finally feeling better!

-In happy news, I had my first joint speaking engagement with my husband to about 600 high schoolers-very cool experience!, had another great speaking engagement at a high school senior scholar banquet, enjoyed lots of great times with family and friends-new and old and some that have reemerged from the past to much delight!

-I technically work 3 different jobs so between that and 18 hours of school this semester, that has taken the majority of the time.

Hopefully I'll write more soon.

Today, I am grateful for life, happiness, friends, family and God!

R

Poem to Share

While I still feel that I am on a semi-break from the blog, I wanted to share a poem that I wrote over the weekend when I attended my first art therapy conference...

April 4, 2009

My heart is peaceful
I am where I should be
Learning my path in life
My creativity feels free
Being around art therapy
I do not feel tied down
I am ready.

Today, I am grateful for so much including friends, family and God!

Rachel

Great Poem...

You can shed tears that he has gone,

Or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,

Or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,

Or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he's gone,

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,

Be empty and turn your back,

Or you can do what he'd want;

Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

-Author Unknown

Love,
Rachel

A Different Spring Break

I was to start my new job, have a friend come in town, and a big to-do list. But...life happens.

I was at my new job for about 2 hours on Tuesday when my husband called me and said that his grandpa (who had gone through emergency quadruple bypass surgery the day before) was not doing well at all. That they had also found a virus around his heart when they did the surgery and his organs were failing.

We both raced home, packed up the car and raced west a couple hours to where he was in the ICU. On the drive, we learned we would not make it in time-he had passed away.

It's been a shock to everyone. He was 73 and had great health before this and his parents had lived to be very old (one is still living in fact).

My husband was very close to his grandpa and they shared a love of fishing, amongst other things.

I actually knew his grandparents before I knew him. So, it's really a great loss for all. He and Gabe's grandma had been married for 53 years-true soulmates and a wonderful example of an amazing marriage. He will be truly missed. He was an amazing man.

Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

Today, I am grateful for having known his grandpa, family, friends and God.

Rachel

Spring Break

I will be taking a 'spring break' from the blog (like I did last year) just to let you know. Hopefully, I'll be back soon!

I am grateful for so much!

Love,
Rachel

Yes, I Went Missing Again...

Between mid-terms and being sick, I really have not done much else...

I am overjoyed though to be done with 2 big midterms and everything else! The sickness is SO close to being gone and that makes me happy too...

Other randomness: This was a really interesting article about advancements and the future of some cancer treatments...check it out!

And now...one more class, a massage and sleep.

Today, I am grateful for a much needed massage, spring break!, friends, family, God and everything else :).

Rachel

Cancer Miracles...

A friend sent me this interesting article that is in the March 2nd Forbes magazine: Cancer Miracles

Today, I am grateful for the weekend to rest, family, friends and God.

Rachel

The 2 Sides of 'Good' News...

The Not-so-Good
-I caught a bad cold from the baby that I watch one day a week (he had snot everywhere the other day and I kept using the hand sanitizer every 2 minutes...guess it didn't work...)
-I still have tons to do before spring break (1 take home exam, 2 exams with tons of material, some art stuff, a group presentation, etc.)


The Good and Better
-My friend's dad got moved to a hospital back here where we live (he was out of state at a renowned facility) and is improving a little each day!
-Spring break IS near...
-Afrin is a good friend when I'm sick :)...
-I got a paper done early (for psychology class-history of anorexia)-feels awesome!
-I finished a painting for tomorrow (used up all my energy today)...hopefully I'll get some pics up on the site soon of what I've been doing in painting class
-I have 2 new jobs!
-and best of all...I have an AMAZING friend coming to visit over my spring break-she just booked her flight (I met her at a cancer survivors' retreat a few years ago and haven't gotten to see her in a long time) -I can't wait! ;)
-I'm going to bed NOW (early!)

Today, I am grateful for all of the above in the good and better section, family, friends, hubby and God!

R

Time for a Quote!

Why did the achievers overcome problems while thousands
are overwhelmed by theirs? They refused to hold on to the
common excuses for failure. They turned their stumbling
blocks into stepping stones. They realized that they
couldn't determine every circumstance in life but they
could determine their choice of attitude towards every
circumstance.
-- John Maxwell

In other news...the article I mentioned last week ended up not getting published after all. Oh well, that's how media stuff works!

Also, I didn't mention in my last post that the nerve conduction test also ruled out the possibility of me having carpal tunnel. I still wish I knew why I have so much pain and some numbness-although part of me is used to always being such a medical mystery...

Today, I am grateful for lunch with a friend, fun stuff planned with friends and family the next few days, spring break is only a couple weeks away (hard to believe!), friends, family, husband and God.

Rachel

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Happy Valentine's Day!

...and Nerve Conduction Test Results: My nerves themselves in my arm don't seem to have any damage so the pain and numbess cannot be explained by that. I think it goes back to the scar tissue/radiation damage in my back where the nerve roots sit.

I'm working and then celebrating BIG tonight with the hubby-can't wait!

Today, I am grateful for: SO much!

Rachel

Follow-up

Do you remember when I posted about the eHarmony contest that had a sarcoma survivor? Well, thanks to all who voted-they WON !

Click here for eHarmony's Most Inspirational Couple of 2008!

In other news, I am heading to the Dr. this afternoon for the nerve conduction test on my arm...I probably won't have results for a couple weeks. I'm hoping it's not too painful (I was saying that I'm out of practice for all these random tests-it's been awhile.)

Today, I am grateful for: the weekend, for extra sleep, friends, hubby, family and God!

Rachel

Awesome Askin's Tumor Survivor!

Inspirational...Lymphoma and Askin's Tumor survivor-Sean Swarner




Today, I am grateful for friends, family, God and hope!

Rachel

Neat Site for Rare Diseases

My husband's friend, David Isserman, co-founded a website called RareShare.org. Rareshare.org connects people with rare diseases from around the world. (There is now a community for Askin's Tumor survivors!)

I wanted let you guys know about the site and pass along a great article about RareShare that just came out in the Washington Post. Feel free to forward this to others who might find some interest in it.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/06/AR2009020603102.html

Thanks!

Today, I am grateful for: beautiful weather, things turning out fine when I forgot something for class, dinner with a friend, friends, family, God and a walk outside this morning :).

Rach

The Day I Was Diagnosed...

I wrote this today for the Liddy Shriver Sarcoma Initiative's Team Sarcoma's Moments in Sarcoma Project-which I encourage you to do if you have been touched by sarcoma. The link is: http://www.team-sarcoma.net/moments.html

The website says, It might be a moment of bravery, compassion, wisdom, humor, or grief, an experience that educates others or a time full of hope...

Mine is about the day I was diagnosed-

I will always remember the day I was diagnosed-Friday, Dec. 4th, 1998. I stayed home from high school that day because my legs and chest were numb. Through the course of fortunate events, we ended up getting into a very respected neurologist that day. He had actually had taken the day off to do paperwork, but had an inkling that something was up and wanted to see me right away. We did the usual neurological tests with the pins and instruments and I could feel some and others felt strange and could not feel much of others. I remember too, for some reason, I was wearing black fleece pants with zippers on the bottom and a light blue long sleeve t-shirt. After an MRI, he sat my mother and I down to let us know what they'd seen-an egg-sized tumor that was strangling the upper part of my spinal cord. I was admitted directly into the hospital and was raced around to different departments for other testing before an emergency surgery was performed early the next morning. I also vividly remembering listening to a song on my Dad's Walkman called 'Changes' while the nurse attempted to start an IV in my arm. The lyrics rang very true, "...things'll never be the same/That's just the way it is..."

Today, I am grateful for friends, family, God.

Rachel