At least every day or every other day, I think about-Wow, it's such a gift that I have today (even if it happens to be a not so great day)...that I've had every day for the past (almost) 10 years now when my body was shutting down at the beginning of December 1998 and more importantly for about 6 years (when I had 0% chance of surviving past a few weeks).
But the other thought that comes to mind-while it might seem negative to some-is very realistic to me-How long do I have left? Every day I live, I get closer to my death-which is true for everyone. I always wonder with all the damage that has been done to my body-how long will my body live and keep thriving? I guess that is why I try to make the most of my days. Ultimately, it's up to God and of course, I trust Him.
It reminds me of a time when I was away at college. It was around Halloween and there was a so-called psychic/palm reader set up there in the student center. For fun, I got in line and then sat down at the table (this was about a month before I found out I had cancer for the 3rd time).
The lady proceeded, first, to ask if I had a bad relationship with my mother (the furthest thing from it!). I told her, "No" and she tried to convince me of the opposite. What really always stuck in my head though was she said, "You're an old soul...You will live to 72."
I remember specifically, in my head, gawking and thinking Yeah, right. I will never live that old. Maybe I knew my body was already sick again or just did not believe a thing this woman was saying after her other comments.
But now I think upon that lady and think, Well at least I hope she's right about how long I'll live. I'd be perfectly fine with that.
Today, I am grateful for: a great new school and profs, great families to babysit for, hubby, family, friends, God and life!
I really enjoyed your post today! I am sorry you have had so many struggles. Life is so much shorter than we think it is and that is pretty scary! I know there is a better place after this and even though we don't anything about it I have faith its there!
I share many of the feelings you expressed in this post. Many days I wake up and say-OMG I HAD CANCER!! Its so scary.
I'm so glad we have become blogger friends :) You are such a great person and I wish you nothing but the best.
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