Every Day Thoughts

At least every day or every other day, I think about-Wow, it's such a gift that I have today (even if it happens to be a not so great day)...that I've had every day for the past (almost) 10 years now when my body was shutting down at the beginning of December 1998 and more importantly for about 6 years (when I had 0% chance of surviving past a few weeks).

But the other thought that comes to mind-while it might seem negative to some-is very realistic to me-How long do I have left? Every day I live, I get closer to my death-which is true for everyone. I always wonder with all the damage that has been done to my body-how long will my body live and keep thriving? I guess that is why I try to make the most of my days. Ultimately, it's up to God and of course, I trust Him.

It reminds me of a time when I was away at college. It was around Halloween and there was a so-called psychic/palm reader set up there in the student center. For fun, I got in line and then sat down at the table (this was about a month before I found out I had cancer for the 3rd time).

The lady proceeded, first, to ask if I had a bad relationship with my mother (the furthest thing from it!). I told her, "No" and she tried to convince me of the opposite. What really always stuck in my head though was she said, "You're an old soul...You will live to 72."

I remember specifically, in my head, gawking and thinking Yeah, right. I will never live that old. Maybe I knew my body was already sick again or just did not believe a thing this woman was saying after her other comments.

But now I think upon that lady and think, Well at least I hope she's right about how long I'll live. I'd be perfectly fine with that.

Today, I am grateful for: a great new school and profs, great families to babysit for, hubby, family, friends, God and life!

Rach

Two Worlds Colliding

For me, surviving cancer at this point is an odd mixture of thoughts. Sometimes, the fact of surviving three times gives me a false sense of invincibility-that things are right with the world, I've come this far (almost 4 years of what we think is no sign of the big C), I've been close to death and back at least a couple times, what more bad could happen? Yet, I know that most likely, logically, not so fun things will most likely be part of my future-long term side effects, relapse(s), secondary cancers, heart problems perhaps, who really knows, right?

On the flip side, there is the cancer memories and experiences that scream out-well, you had it 3 times, what about that 4th time? Isn't that just on the horizon? My body and mind try to prepare for that even when I do not. It sees the past and knows what happened and there is probably, medically, a good possibility that it could happen again, although we all hope not of course.





So, depending on the day and my mood, my thoughts will linger and bounce in a sequence of such thoughts-gratefulness for today and ready to face tomorrow, whatever that might bring.





Today, I am grateful for: babysitting my nephew last night-so fun!, it's Thursday :)!! (which is like Friday in my school schedule), the weather's getting nicer, family, friends and God.





Rach

Just some thoughts...

I saw this recently and thought it was note-worthy and I edited it a bit!

Stop doing stuff you don’t need to do! Think about the crazy amounts of stuff on your to-do list. Now think about why you’re doing each one. Does it make you happy, earn you needed money or benefit you in any other profound way? If the answer is no, cut it. Slash and burn!

Obviously, there are things like paying bills, thankless work projects and calling certain people in your life that must be done in the name of harmony and avoiding unemployment. But guaranteed, there is fat to trim in your calendar, and every task you drop is energy saved!

Today, I am grateful for a night to relax ahead of me (so tired and need a break!), God, friends, family, positive messages from all over :).

Love,

Rachel