The day every cancer survivor hopes to see...

From my journal one month before the surgery in 2004

Is TODAY for me. The day that is especially sacred to people who have had cancer more than once.

Hard to believe, I know, because I cannot believe it, but there has been no significant sign of cancer in my body for 5 YEARS as of today! In other words, I have been in remission for 5 years! It doesn't necessarily mean that the cancer won't come back or that I won't get other cancers, but the chances are less and 5 years is a very long time-way longer than any other period of reprieve that I've had in the past.

5 years ago today I had an extensive surgery that removed a small Nerf football sized Askins Tumor that had grown between my heart, lung, pulmonary artery and spine. The surgical team separated and removed small pieces of rib, sliced and put back together 3 major muscles in my back, moved organs out of the way and successfully took out the cancerous tumor...the tumor that had somehow died inside of me with very minimal treatment. Still crazy, still hard to believe to this day.

YAY FOR LIFE! I feel so blessed and thankful for so much :).

Lots of love,
Rachel

YES!

Today marks 4 years, 6 months of no sign of cancer!...which means-only 6 months until the 5 year mark comes! That is a big number in the cancer world. While I will not be considered cured if I hit that point, like some think, it still is quite an accomplishment for my formerly persistent cancer to have stayed away that long.

Yay!

Today, I'm feeling grateful for 1 more class to go, friends, family, art, God, anniversaries!

Rach

4 Year Celebration

MAY 19th, 2004...I was wheeled into a very life-threatening surgery to remove the tumor that had sat between my heart, lung, spinal cord and pulmonary artery for a year and a half. An amazing and renowned cardiovascular and thoracic surgeon had miraculously moved to where I lived (after having searched, literally, the world for options). He was the first person who gave us hope that he thought he could get the tumor out safely and would not even have to put me on heart bypass, as other surgeons had forcefully told us was going to be the case, IF it ever happened.

The surgery was quite long and 3 major muscles in my back were sawed through (and then put back together fiber by fiber-isn't medicine amazing?), parts of ribs were removed and stretched and a large curved incision on my back became permanent (and later a month-long collapsed lung was a complication of surgery...a story for another time). The surgeon discovered the tumor was the size of a small Nerf football and successfully removed it (and most of you know the best, juicy part of this tale-the tumor was discovered to have died inside of me with very minimal treatment-something doctors still can't explain and I'm ok with that :) ).

It had been a year and a half of a 0% chance of living (no one else in my situation, ever, with my cancer had lived with a relapse after a stem cell transplant). There were so many unknowns during that time, so many letdowns from world renowned doctors and experts and so much pain and worry about what was to come. How would I leave myself behind? Would I die slowly or quickly? Which organ would the tumor invade first and what would that entail? Would I be in a wheelchair?

Simply waking up in the morning with my arm completely asleep would make my mind immediately think that my body was shutting down-that the tumor had started to take over. But thankfully my arm always woke up. And I always woke up.

I still thankfully wake up every day and am amazed that 4 wonderful years have passed since that day. (Thank God!!!) It frankly blows my mind and is hard to put into words. I try to stick with the positive when possible and know that every day is what I consider extra time here, whether that day is good or very good.

Peace to all!

Today, I am grateful for: a wonderful day of charity & friends, time with my fiance, everything about today and for all my 'extra time' here, God's blessings and family!

Rach

Days

How long do I have to live?

What kind of future do I have?

None of us really knows…

But my chances are greater…

To die early,

To develop more serious health problems,

To need to do things differently

But I will make the most

Of my days

And live like they are miracles,

Because they are.

-Days by rb, Oct 30^th, 2007

I was reading today in the newspaper an article about a cancer survivor and one of the first lines talks about how she always worries in the back of her mind about relapsing or recurrence of her cancer. It's so true-it's something that for me never goes away. It may fade at times or be out of my thoughts for somewhat longer periods but it's a constant and it comes rearing it's ugly head sometimes.

Thankfully it has been 3 1/2 years since there has been cancer found. (Sure, there's definitely been lots of 'scares' and 'spots' that are hard to discern what they are in my body, but as far as we can tell, it's "all good" and that's good enough for me!)

Anyways, it was just some thoughts I had and a poem I wrote last week that tied in...

Today, I am grateful for: life, God, family, friends and days!

Love,
Rachel