Hola

Just checking to say that I am feeling grateful each day to be in graduate school for art therapy and counseling...it's been a long road but I'm finally here :).

I also was able to teach a children's art class at the hospital where I was treated to children in the hospital. It was a great group and I even got to see an old friend's family (even though it wasn't for a good reason).

I was asked to donate a couple of art pieces to an art therapy benefit and auction. It was a fabulous event and I was glad to be a part of it!

Another speaking engagement (locally) went well in August and I was just as inspired by the audience I met afterward!

Today, I am grateful for: God, new friends, old friends, family, hope, grad school, amazing people in my life that have helped me and continue to help me...and so much more!

Rachel

Graduate School

I had interviews this past weekend for graduate school...one day of group interviews and the next day was a 15 minute interview with the faculty and me. I thought it went well and was fun too.

I just found out I was one of the lucky 10 accepted into the Graduate Art Therapy Counseling Program for this fall!

I couldn't be more excited as this is one of my life's goals-to become an art therapist!

Today, I am grateful for this exciting news, the family, friend, God and experiences that have brought me to this point in my life!

Rachel

Update and Articles...

I've been doing some PR interviews lately and have enjoyed the experience.

One article is about the cost of cancer on MarketWatch.com: Poor prognosis on payments: You can survive cancer and still be laid low -- by the bills (my quote on pg. 2) and mention of the amazing organization the SAMFund!

The other article, about cancer and pain, appears on the front page of Pain Solutions Magazine's website: A Breakthrough in Understanding Cancer Pain: THE AMERICAN PAIN FOUNDATION’S NEW SURVEY REVEALS THE VAST PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, AND FINANCIAL TOLL OF BREAKTHROUGH CANCER PAIN

Finally, I received my letter from grad school. I am one of 30 candidates for the Art Therapy Counseling Program!! I have interviews in a couple weeks and then they will pick 10 of us as the final class. I am very excited about the process.

Today, I am grateful for peacefulness amongst the hectic, joy amongst pain, supportive family, amazing friends and God and things always working out some way or another!

Rachel

Grad School

I just got back from mailing my grad school application for an Art Therapy Counseling Program. I am so excited to be (hopefully) getting so close to starting on a life dream that I've had since high school: becoming an art therapist. Art therapy was something that was very pivotal and motivational for me throughout my bouts with cancer. It is something I still use to provide some relief from the chronic pain that my treatments have left me with.

It is something that I did in an apprenticeship setting this past summer and reaffirmed that this is something I want to do-for others. When I am helping others, I feel empowered and it, too, helps my pain levels and I do not think about them as much.

I am really hoping that I will be accepted into the competitive program.

Today, I am thankful for so much and the people around me who support me through everything.

Love,
Rachel

Hello to Anyone Still Reading...

Sorry for missing for so long!

This fall brought the death of 2 dear friends and a brain tumor for my father-in-law. Thankfully, my father-in-law is doing amazingly, miraculously well after a complicated surgery! For this, we are grateful because before surgery his symptoms were getting pretty severe.

I finished up the school semester on Tuesday night so yay for that!

I am working on things for Art Therapy graduate school like taking the MAT (still waiting on results), getting art together for a portfolio, recommendation letters, etc.

I am now on Twitter (not always consistent but I'm trying): twitter.com/obsessdwithlife

Happy Holidays to everyone!!

I am grateful for health, family, friends and God.

Rachel

People Fascinate Me

I am doing an art therapy apprenticeship right now (internship) and it is so interesting. Because of HIPAA laws, I can't go into details but our patients' stories are all so unique and interesting! Every person comes with their own histories and reasons for needing therapy in their life. It is amazing to me how much these people and the ones around them have had to go through in life-on top of the medical aspects or in other cases, the complex set of medical reasons piled on top of each other!

It is giving me a new sense of trying to respect what people are going through because we can never really know just by "looking" or talking to someone...just how I now appear healthy and "normal" (whatever that is!) to a stranger...

The apprenticeship is also giving me more admiration for art therapy and what little things can do for healing or making someone's day!

Today, I am grateful for a neat apprenticeship, time for reading for leisure this week, getting certified again in CPR, friends, family and God!

Rachel

Poem to Share

While I still feel that I am on a semi-break from the blog, I wanted to share a poem that I wrote over the weekend when I attended my first art therapy conference...

April 4, 2009

My heart is peaceful
I am where I should be
Learning my path in life
My creativity feels free
Being around art therapy
I do not feel tied down
I am ready.

Today, I am grateful for so much including friends, family and God!

Rachel

Art as Therapy

Obviously art as therapy interests me-a lot-thus why I want to become an art therapist. On Fridays at my university, the art students work in the art studios (we have classes off and are expected to be there working on stuff and also attend a noon artist lecture that the university arranges). I really like the set-up and have been pretty productive the last 2 Fridays which helps to enjoy the weekends even more.

Last Friday I had a paint mixing exercise to work on and had some leftover paint. Since growing up, my family wasn't big on wasting anything, I did not want to waste the paint.

I took it and started playing around on some extra paper. The more I experimented, the more the art became introspective of life right now. I had a busy background with swirls and various colors and overlapping designs. Then I painted a person in white with some dimension that is looking towards the chaos and the arms are crossed or outstretched (unseen from the viewer's angle). I realized it is somewhat representational of my life right now. I was pleased with the outcome and am thinking it might get a 'wall spot' in the condo. Here it is:



Today, I am grateful for a night to relax, hopefully a snow day tomorrow (crossing my fingers b/c it's my 13 hour school day...), friends, family and God!

Rachel

Art is knowing which ones to keep...

Link to Painting by Dosia McKay

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

— Scott Adams

My art therapist has told me-"There are no mistakes in art." Thinking of that when I am frustrated with art has been beneficial. I am looking forward to doing lots of art over holiday break (T minus 1 week!)

As much as I like and enjoy and feel fortunate to be able to go to school full-time, my body is really ready for a break and I am looking forward to some time off to heal, connect with friends and family, do lots of artwork, read, clean, cook, enjoy some cultural stuff, etc.

Today, I am grateful for great friends and family, God, love, prayers and hope.

Rach

Using Art To Explain Pain

In an article on healthcentral.com, Karen Lee Richards discusses how Mark Collen dealt with pain and conveyed it to his doctor-through art and poetry. I think that if that is something that can help you deal, then go for it. I know art and writing have helped me to work through a lot of feelings!

Mark Collen's website, where others share their artwork about pain, can be found at: www.painexhibit.com/

Today, I am grateful for a wonderful dinner with loved ones last night, a morning with mom, friends, family and God.

Rach

Graduation

So...I semi-forgot that I technically graduated yesterday with my interior design degree. Let me rephrase that-I was so busy with the walk and the party that one of my bridesmaids threw last night (SO fun!) that I forgot about it. Because of the charity walk, I sadly (and not so sad in some ways) missed my graduation.

Unbeknownst to me when I agreed to do the charity walk, they fell at the exact same time-about 30-45 minutes away from each other. That is ok-given the choice-I would definitely still pick the charity walk over walking at my graduation. I ended up (hopefully) helping a lot more people and hung out with way more family and friends. We celebrated in a different, unusual way-walking around a lake in the gorgeous sunlight.

My parents and some friends and family remembered and it was so sweet of them!

Some say that I must be determined to stick with college so long when I've been knocked off my (school) seat a few times only to get back on it...that I kept going and continue to keep going to school. I never really thought about it that way until that was brought up. I just know what I want and I am going for it-to help others with my talents and the life I've been granted and I would really like to be an art therapist. I just also happen to have a lot of people pulling for me and that makes a huge difference and I am so grateful.

Today, I say thanks for friends, family, support and GOD!

Rachel

Beginning to Emerge

I am beginning to emerge out of the 'end of the semester cave'. I turned in my large project on Tuesday and still have some exams next week and some other small odds and ends.

It's pretty crazy that after 6 years of off and on college (all because of health related stuff) that I am finally getting my 2 year associate's degree in interior design. It's also somewhat comical that I have figured out that interior design is not necessarily what I feel I am called to do in life. I want to help people-something medical related and that is when I came up with art therapy and was inspired by my very own art therapist. All along I have taken psychology and some extra art classes. The past few years have not been without purpose though-they are transfering and helping with my bachelor's that I will begin this fall. I know this degree will have purpose in my life and for that I am grateful. It's a very peaceful feeling (and I'm pretty excited to get started on what I really want to do in life).

I'm ready to be done with this school as my time is up-I can feel it-but of course, with any major changes in life-it comes with mixed feelings. I will miss the 2 really close friends I have made and not seeing them 3 days a week, the familiarity of the campus and various other things. Most of all, I'm excited for my future-there's so much to look forward to in the next few months (including 4 years of no cancer found in my body!)

Today, I am grateful: to see summer break in sight, finding 2 cute dresses today, a beautiful day with windows down, a couple good TV shows, friends, family, God

R

Self-Portrait

This is a painting I mainly did for my portfolio review for school. It is a semi-self portrait. Enjoy!

Today, I am thankful that my speech-writing process has been going so well, that I am healthy and able to juggle everything that is going on right now, for friends, family, God and life.

Love,

Rachel

25

Yes, it's true, I'm getting 'old'. Older than I think anyone ever thought, especially a lot of people in the medical field. Today, I am 25 and so grateful to be so!

I had MANY wonderful birthday presents and there is one today that was in the form of art portfolio review at the college I will (for sure now) be transfering to and attending in the fall. I was secretly looking forward to it.

Early this morning I gathered up an 'artsy outfit', my father and 2 huge portfolios plus a large business-like bag-all full of my artwork and headed off to the reviews. I was feeling confident but still, there's always that doubt in your mind no matter how confident or prepared you may feel. Well, did I do enough? Is it what they are looking for? What do other people have? Maybe I should have done more over spring break...that sort of thing. The voice never leaves any of our heads, it seems.

I went into the review and spread out my paintings, drawings, photographs, sketchbooks, etc. I got along well with the Chair of the Art Department and the professor that were both reviewing. It felt amazing to have them say positive things about my work and get into a nice conversation with each one about various topics. I was assured I was accepted even though they do not usually let people know the day of the interviews. The entire day I have felt like I am floating. The tour of campus, just everything, I sat there and thought this is my future, this feels SO right. Now I just have to get through the last month and a half of my current school and program.

That's the most pensive I'm going to get about my birthday tonight. Do I feel different? Yes, but not because I'm 25 now, it's because I have so many solid things in my future that feel so wonderful and right! This birthday gal is ready for some sleepy-time.

Today, I am grateful for way more than I can type right now.

Love,
Rachel

Plan for a long future but live in the moment.

I saw this today on the Crazy Sexy Cancer blog: Plan for a long future but live in the moment.

It prompted me to write today's post.

Isn't that life, really? We are always trying to plan, plan, plan and have to-do lists and this and that AND try to live in the moment. It's a balance and a challenge. For so long, I did not have a "future" or even long-term plans. I had plans for that day and that was a blessing. It's been a strange concept for me grasp-a future. And now, 4 1/2 years since it was not expected that I was supposed to make it, I realize I have a future-how long, none of us really knows.

So, I'm still somewhat in the mindset to live each day-doing something I want and taking time for myself and loving my friends, fiance and family as much as I can and making time for them because that is what is truly important. And now, I tentatively plan for my future, knowing that at any moment, it can change as it has so often...the starting and stopping of school many times, the health "bumps", etc. That's part of the reason I (if plans go as planned) I will end up with 3 small degrees-associate's in interior design, bachelor's in studio art and art therapy and a master's in art therapy because at any point, I could stop and be ok with that! I am just estatic to be finally earning the associate's in May. I realized I have been at this school on and off for 6 years! I'm finally reaching a goal and the journey has been wonderful in many ways!

Today, I am grateful to be so close to graduating, for new beginnings and endings, for the beautiful snow, friends, family and support from them all!! Love you all!!

Rach

Bald head

Sept. 2003, 3rd time with cancer

I was going through old digital pictures and came across this one. It made me laugh. All 3 times being bald, as an artist, I viewed my head as my canvas, my challenge.

At times, there was glitter or face paint or crazy bandanas or a pink wig or a blonde wig, etc. There was also the man in San Diego, CA that was doing airbrushing by the beach. I had him do my head. It was gorgeous-a sunset!

A high school dance brought a head-full of hot pink stars :).

I'll try to post more 'headshots' in the future too.

Anyways, I know some of you are going through chemo and I want to encourage you to make the best of your situation because it really helps. Seeing humor in the face of hard times can be really helpful.

I'm trying to take my own advice right now because I really don't feel so great (the new meds are making me feel 'funky' and really tired) but I'll be ok!

Today, I am grateful for: positive things, getting another day to be alive, God, family and friends!

Love,

Rachel

I've Been Painting!

So I finally got out the (dusty) paintbrushes last night...I was experimenting. About a year ago, I used gesso to affix handmade paper to canvas and last night I took eye droppers and dripped acrylic ink while changing the direction of the canvas from time to time. The ink became a nice contrast to the more organic, circular ridges on the handmade paper (as you can see in the close-up pic). Very therapeutic, fun and long overdue...

It's abstract and an experiment and I'm happy how it turned out but I'd love to hear people's honest opinions-no need to be nice just to be nice ;).

The painting is about the craziness of life and resembles never-ending roads, at least that's what I saw but again, I love to hear what other people see in my artwork!

Today, I am grateful for: running so many errands with Gabe's grandma for the wedding, getting some fabulous ideas for reception table stuff, cooking dinner tonight for my family with Gabe and God, family and friends!

Ciao bella!

Rach

Dragonfly...My Personal Symbol

People that know me, know that my personal symbol is a dragonfly-it has been for years. I think it happened sometime after the dawn of cancer. It is a freeing symbol to me, a beautiful insect. It is hidden or obvious in most of my paintings or drawings. I want to even put one somewhere on my wedding dress, even if it is on the inside.

I regularly wear a ring with a dragonfly (shown above), a gift from my art therapist. I have many other neat dragonfly pieces-all unique and special, just like the people who gave them to me.

Different cultures' positive interpretations of the dragonfly include:

-Associations with water, spring, fertility, renewal, and considered a messenger

-The dragonfly's wings reflect and refract their beautiful colors and the light of the sun-leading to a mystical and magical symbolism.

-In Japan, the dragonfly is a symbol of joy and new light.

-Some Native American believe that dragonflies are a symbol of renewal after a time of great hardship

What's your personal symbol?

Today, I am grateful for: doctors, friends and family and renewal

Love,

Rach

Rad Fairy

Aloha! Last night I did some MAJOR cleaning in my 'apartment' and came across an old friend from my past...My very own Radiation Fairy or "Rad Fairy" for short (pic above). When I had radiation 4 1/2 years ago I did some mind imagery. One of the radiation beams carried a sweet fairy that would come in to my back and work on the tumor between my heart, lung, spine and pulmonary artery. The other beam was a big burly tough guy who would chisel away at the tumor. Well, they seemed to have done their jobs quite well! I never got around to making Mr. Tough Guy but I did make Radiation Fairy...she even inspired a big painting that I donated to the radiation department at my hospital!


In life, it's like do what you need to do to survive and that fairy and macho man got me through radiation (and some tough times) with flying colors...no pun intended!

Today, I am grateful for: more nice weather, an easy day of classes and of course, friends and family!

Love,
Rachel

MRIs 101

Hi. These are the pics from last night! (Yes, that is me and The Fiance on on the red carpet). It was a fun night for a great cause and my artwork even got it's own display case! The plaque by the painting read: This is a picture of a 'Cancer Angel'. Being bald (she is wearing a bandana), she can relate to people who have cancer. Her intent is to bring Love, Hope and Joy to people's lives that are dealing with cancer.

Now, onto today's daytime activity...MRI central (and no, I have not gotten the results yet). I really wanted to include a picture of me going into the MRI machine, but then realized my digital camera would be destroyed by the uber-powerful magnet in the MRI machine. I thought that I would give you a run-down of tips for having an MRI, if you ever have one...

First of all, MRI stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging and is a non-invasive method used to show images of the inside of an object. It is primarily used in medical testing to demonstrate alterations in living tissues.

Interesting fact: MRI also has uses outside of the medical field, such as detecting rock permeability to hydrocarbons and as a non-destructive testing method to characterize the quality of products such as produce and timber.

This is what the machine looks like:

TOP 10 TIPS FOR HAVING AN MRI:
1. Bring a CD or prepare to pick a radio station

2. Wear comfy clothes with NO metal (= no hospital gown!)

3. If you are a female, wear a sports bra without metal

4. Bring something to read while you wait (or someone to talk to!)

5. You can bring someone in the MRI room to sit, if you both are comfortable with this

6. If you are someone with a port, PICC line, etc. get it accessed beforehand so you don't have to get an IV in your arm!

7. Sometimes I stay up "too late" the night before so I'll sleep through it...

8. Leave your jewelry at home

9. If you get pain from weird positions, staying still too long, or nauseous easily, etc. take some meds before!

10. Make sure to go to the restroom right before the test...

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So, my MRI went ok. It was about 3 hours long from port access to MRI and back to get the port unaccessed. They also do not scan scapula areas very often, so they had to figure out a contraption of sorts to get the right pictures. I was strapped in and had wires and padding all over my chest and arms. The tech repeatedly asked me and my mom why I was getting another MRI of my thoracic spine--I kept telling her, "Well, that's where my tumors occurred." I wanted to include, "What don't you understand? Why do you keep asking?"

Today, I am grateful for: family and friends

Tomorrow's adventure: Healing Through the Arts for Children Kick-off at the hospital I was treated at! Looking forward to it...

Night.

Rachel